Daydreaming

Tunnel

2012-02-16T20:37:00.000+07:00

Seeing this picture reminds me of the walks I've had in my life. With my scout group and seniors, with my family, and recently: with my coaches and teammates. I've walked through forests, local gardens, mountain pathways, and leaf-covered earth between trees. I've walked for hours, faced stones and animals, had broken toes, and had my skin scratched by the branches of small trees. I've walked in the rain, I’ve walked in the sun, and I've walked in the middle of the night. I’ve walked barefoot, wearing my mountain boots, and recently-wearing WEDGES! I survived each of them.

When I think of it, this kind of long walk is the one that gets me upset most of the time, the one that makes me exhausted halfway, and the one that makes me complain a lot. I don’t really fancy walking for the sake of it. but when I get to the end, I feel really satisfied-by nature, by the people who have accompanied me along the way, and mostly by decision to accept the challenge, forget about my worries, and do the walk and get to the end.

It makes me happy.

Taken from How to Fade and Raise

Friday Go Away

2012-02-09T21:07:00.000+07:00

It didn't take long for me to remember what all of this felt like.

Sometimes I forget that I'm a student. My on-time schedule of waking up and sleeping at the same time everyday, my messy desk with books and photos on it, using google to search for homework, and the guilt caused by procrastinating study time - these are the the things that reflect me so much, and they finally accompany me again.

I've got math and physics exams tomorrow, and nothing in the world beats the anxiety I'm feeling right now. I have been making an attempt to teach myself stuff I've never been taught before, and guess what? After spending such a long time on a simple math explanation I didn't understand- I finally got it.

and this is the feeling I like because it reminds me of what studying truly is. Understanding -not only looking for good marks! :D

To Earth

2012-01-31T22:15:00.000+07:00

I can vividly remember the sound of rain drops hitting the roof on a Sunday morning - it was the first day of new year and one of the things that made me happy was the fact that I had woken up in a bed different from the one I had slept on for the past two months in our homey and humid flat. I wanted a change, and having a new routine for a day didn't hurt, in fact it felt so good. Maybe I'm a sucker for capital cities - or maybe I'm simply a fan of medium-sized houses painted in white, but I know I will always want to go back to the place 2012 felt good for the first time for whatever reason.

There were a few things that I missed, such as drinking carrot juice everyday instead of coke, or having enough sleep and reading good books instead of journals with terms I did not understand. But I learned that the world had no time to revolve around myself and the things I wanted, and that's precisely why I needed to adapt fast as a form of gratitude. So I tried. I got used to things that might contain a lot of bacteria, I changed how my body reacted to morning sun ray that hurt my eyes, and I ignored judgmental words because the things that mattered the most to me weren't the things that mattered as much to everyone else, and I shouldn't be selfish when there is already too much selfishness in the world. I am forgetful in a lot of ways, but I'll always remember how much I have laughed this year more than how upset I was about certain things. It's always a great start of the year when you know you have learned and laughed a lot. I spent most of my January in a place claimed to be the most beautiful city in the world, and laughed at myself and strangers. Today I went back to reality and met faces I had been distant with, and I laughed again and again.

After all, it doesn't really matter where I go, because people tend to build walls around me that make me feel as if I'm still in the place where I first saw them . It's all about recalling the happiness I once felt at the start of my journey, and I believe 2012 has given more than a good start for me and everyone else.

Idea Drunk

2011-12-21T14:41:00.013+07:00

I am (finally) free from exams. Yes, the best day of my life apparently had to be delayed. Those days of constant pressure from papers and books are over. The reason I had to go through such an excruciating time in school is ....because I have been debating a lot. I went to WSDC selection camp, NSDC provincial selection, and another training camp for three weeks. I didn't sleep in my own room for a month straight. If you have read We Fight, We Clash, We Begin, and if you know that I ranked 29 in NSDC, you're probably asking: how could I go when only 24 top speakers could join the WSDC selection camp? Long story short, some people couldn't join it and the committee was kind enough to invite more people, and I was one of those invited debaters who shouldn't have been there, but were given the chance anyway, which I am thankful for.

Thank you Sita for the whole photos!

On the 13th-18th of November, I was in Jakarta for WSDC selection camp. I went with only one big aim : to learn as much as I could. I was happy to see some familiar faces and to get to know the ones I hadn't known very well in NSDC better. I debated for three rounds on the first day and twice on the next day. If I'm not mistaken, they announced the top 8 on the second night. My name was in the list, along with Zivana, Gaby, Fira, Lee, Ian, Aldi, and Alif. The pressure was higher on the following days, but we all went through it and to be honest, I miss those times: the ones I shared with top 8 and all of the participants. I miss researching for hours, ordering pizza, gossiping and sleepover with top 8 that particular night, panicking because we woke up late and couldn't submit our essays, the nerves during matter game, and everything else. I miss the little fights when we were casebuilding and how they made me laugh. I loved to observe how everyone's face was when they were stressed out. I was happy to see past WSDC debaters and coaches who also selected and adjudicated us. Everyone was great in their own way. We had our last two debates and the interview a day before the announcement of team Indonesia.

Top 8!

Government bench

I miss Zivanna! Team mate for countless times!

Me with the twins

Twins, Alif, and Lee (the guy with the British accent)

Last picture before I left

Not long after the announcement, I packed my stuff and went to Bandung. I arrived late at night and I met up with my teammates from school, joining the selection for next year's NSDC for 4 days. Yes people, I am going back to Nationals next year, but before that..... I am going to Capetown, South Africa, for World Schools Debating Championship 2012 as Team Indonesia with Alif, Aldi, and Ian.

Well, back to case-building :)

Good Life

2011-12-17T15:35:00.005+07:00

It's almost 2012. What do you feel? Do you regret how you have spent the whole year, or are you thankful to have experienced another set of beautiful 12 months?

Just when I thought 2011 was a dull year full of disappointments, life threw one of its best surprises at me. Just when I felt that 2011 was giving me only lessons, happiness came unexpectedly. The moment I looked down on myself, the positive joy I used to have came back to me again. This year, it seems that the 'save the best for the last' phrase has shown me its real meaning. I have learnt that it takes patience to achieve. Once you have started growing patience inside yourself, that's when everything starts to make sense. At least that's what I think. I'm so happy to be able to say that this year is one of the best years in my life.

This is supposed to be a depressing post, the one I always write every six months. I've been doing final exams since Wednesday, 3 subjects each day. Monday will be the best day of my life because it'll be the day with the last exams I have to sit this year. This post doesn't show that I'm suicidal because I have realized that the exhaustion I'm getting is my responsibility to handle, not mentioning that it all started with my own choice. I know everything is worth it, and that's why I have decided to live the moment and do whatever it takes. I have got too much to tell and I'll get back on you when I'm not busy. Til then, bye.

Starting Point

2011-11-10T12:41:00.005+07:00

I'm afraid. There are times when I'm just so afraid of getting too far from my dreams. I think I already am. I don't know what to fix nor do I know what to do. I just feel like I'm going through the motions, accepting everything that is happening. I don't want to be like that. I want to have faith, I want to be one of those people who know what they want. I want to be back on track. When I'm still thinking about it, other people are already on their way to getting it.

When I think of all that, aren't I the luckiest girl in the world? What don't I have? Shouldn't I be thankful already? No, nobody can understand. I tend to be humiliated whenever I can't do something other people can. It makes me feel like I haven't been making the best use out of my brain. Each day goes by and I'm still stuck in the same place. You know what's confusing? To have so many things and abilities that you can't focus and realize which one you really want to achieve. However, it's time to let go of all the worries and do what I can do today. It's time to learn all over again. It's time to face the consequences of the choices I have made, the choices that will shape me into whoever I'll become in the future.

It's humane to have worries, to feel like you're always second best and to realize that you suck. It's never too late to give up really, if you haven't tried that hard. I know I'm amazing and no numbers, papers, or words in the world can change that fact. If you're randomly one of those people who are laid back and have no idea what to do next, you're not that alone. Keep doing what you like doing. If only I had used my time wisely. No, I never really had any time anyway. Well what's important is to live the day and just be happy as I always am.

I just want to hug someone. I hope November will be as great as how eventful it will be.

Almost..!

2011-11-02T18:46:00.006+07:00

I like my routines. Everyday I wake up with the same television in front of me and a calender with circles on its numbers on the wall behind me - and I have just realized that November means more circles on the dates and less moving pictures on the screen. This month is going to be eventful, with exams eating me alive, homework, my new temporary job as a secretary at a big event for an organization I'm in and more laughter at the end of my days. I go to the same places and look forward to the same things each day, expecting greater results and I hope I'm on my way there. In the next following weeks I will be busy typing and printing out documents, watching debate videos and eating ice cream while I sit on the floor in my freezer-temperature room and read my favourite manga before my eyes become too heavy to open. I can't wait to learn a lot at the end and feel satisfied for being myself. There are some things I miss, like slacking off in school and watching movies like Lolita on a Saturday morning.

....but I'm a fully functioning human being, thus I'm happy.

Now Playing : I Can Wait Forever by Simple Plan, dedicated to Lora & Isty who I'll hug and squeeze as a way of expressing gratitude at the end of the year.

Two in One

2011-10-23T15:58:00.007+07:00

Coming home, it was hard adjusting to school and all the lessons. I had to switch my brain instantly to catch up on what I had missed. I had to study slightly harder as well as go out and be with my family from England. Then they had to leave, which really made me feel sad because they had been such great company even when I was busy.

To top it all off, I was still going through two regeneration periods at that time (Leadership Management Training and Pendidikan Dasar Kepemimpinan), which respectively were for eASY and LSWK. They started in August, and I had been getting a lot of tasks, responsibilities, and also some fun ever since. I had gone through LMT a year ago, so if you don't know what it is you'd better read this. Personally, I didn't perform well in eASY's regeneration. I even barely knew the new batch of kids. Now, as LMT has officially ended and the new committee has been elected, I hope I can work harder and give my best to my friends. In Dikdaspim, I learned a lot of lessons. After almost 3 months, it ended last week and it was really sad to part from my seniors (37). We stayed for one night in school. One thing for sure, I will always remember my intention of joining both organizations and clubs and work hard based on that. I surely will miss writing pages of essays in the middle of the night, jogging in the morning at the school's field with my scouts friends, and staying back late at school doing our tasks or simply listening to my friends grumbling about how tired it was making them.

I'm grown up, so that means they will be my last regeneration periods in this school, which is sort of sad that I didn't do my best in them. I have my juniors to work with now, and it's time to guide, not to be guided anymore. What matters to me is that I still belong there and I love how doing the things we're passionate about and working with the people we like makes us happy even when it all gets too stressful and we feel like we can't take it anymore.

"Menolong tanpa bersombong diri, berjasa tanpa meminta nama"

Now, October, thank you for being the start and end of everything my world revolves around. Thank you for letting me do what I had missed ; debating and actually winning. Thank you for being that time of the year when I'm surrounded by great people and laughter. It has been a roller-coaster ride and I have wanted to puke several times. It hasn't been a perfect journey but at least I have something to fix tomorrow, like my scores or my piano and violin recitals.

Back to the present. Unlike any other day, today I finally have a Sunday for myself where I could wake up late and go out with my family for lunch. I've been sleeping at 1 and waking up at 5 for 2 consecutive months, everyday. It really has been an exhausting two months but I have enjoyed every second of it because everything either has either made me happy or taught me a lesson.

That means the world still cares about me.

Good Gods

2011-09-16T15:02:00.012+07:00

I'm always late at publishing posts with a lot of pictures because well, it takes time to transfer all the pics from all the cameras and you know I'm a lazy kid. Okay, that wasn't really important. September had a really nice start ; Hari Raya, airport at 12 am in the night, airport again, beaches, family, and mostly skipping school. When school reopened on the first day, my father decided that we should go to Bali especially because my uncle Adrian & auntie Sue were around. I'm thankful that I could escape and felt nothing for a while. It had been a long time since the last time I'd visited Bali. I'll let the pics, taken from September 8th to September 15th, do the talking.

Go outside the terrace, and there you go, step in your own private pool.

The same squirrel everyday at my balcony.

Adrian and dad.

Downstairs

Private beach

The reason we went to Kuta

Snorkeling at Padang Bai, it was freezing.

My bed!

Mom was shopping at this shop in the hotel so I went out and took pics

Before leaving

More to come, I need to do some work. For now, hope you enjoyed it. It was personally special because unlike my other holidays, I had more people with me this time.

Count Your (Concealed) Blessings

2011-08-29T22:08:00.007+07:00

I don't think words could expound what I have felt throughout the month. I thought everything was going to be meaningful -and I was right, even if it may have hit me in a way I had not sensed.

I have been given responsibilities, and as much as I think of it, there will always be regrets inside of me and a train of sorry's taking a journey inside my head (and I don't know when it'll eventually stop). I have been trusted but as much as I'm proud of it, I still have no clue what I want. I even don't know if what I want matters anymore. All I know is that I have only been going through the motions, and at the end, it's me who's disappointed. I have learned that people, or most of them, only see results, the aftermath of what you do instead of your intention behind it, or how you get to your destination.

All I know is that I'm happy I still can sigh when I wake up and find it too late to see the morning sun. I'm happy because I spend everyday reading instead of writing. I'm grateful I still can wake up at 2.30 tomorrow morning and watch my favourite tacky tv show I always look forward to - the one I can see again next year. It has been a bumpy ride, and it's time for me to get on the next and last plane. After all the exhausting trips, I guess it's time for me to sit for a while and look out to the clouds. Maybe that way I will be enlightened, I will know what I want and how I can build up the walls that fell down when I knew that I wasn't who I thought I had been.

Serendipity

2011-08-12T15:12:00.008+07:00

Once upon a time, a boy curved his lips and someone saw it. He made her go back again and again just to witness him squinting into the sunlight as they both walked and drowned in laughter. She fell and she thought she would never be able to get up again because she was too busy admiring what she would call a new addition given by time to her own world. It became different since then, she couldn't go a day without thinking of ways to fill the gap that he had once filled before. One morning, when peace came, she decided to stop going back.

It's been a while since she had butterflies. It seems like she has found something similar. She can only stare from afar though, yet she still thinks it's kind of amazing.

Seven Eleven

2011-08-04T20:19:00.009+07:00

Can you see an angry bird?

I haven't really talked much about life after holidays, have I? Two and a half weeks ago, I was REALLY anticipating the first Monday of year 11. I woke up at 6am, headed to the room a meter away from my bed. In the middle of my shower concert, I had scenes playing inside my head about my new class I was gonna see for the first time that day. I went to school with a high expectation.

We were neglected. The new students were having their orientation (the time of their lives, I swear!). Long story short, after waiting for hours, we were gathered in the outer field and they began calling out names and classes. XI Science 1, XI Science 5, XI Science 6...I still didn't hear my name. My ex classmates were all already leaving to their new classes as I sighed as a sign that I was relieved that some of the annoying ones weren't going to be in the same class as me.

Then I heard it, my name, put in XI Science 7. Hearing it didn't make me happy, but hearing the names that followed mine, that's what made me hyper. I knew I was going to have fun for a year ahead. How long have I had school this semester? 2 freaking weeks, and I've had more fun than any of you could get in a year of studying. Seriously. The teachers are really cool, and I'm starting to have hope about everything I screwed up last year. The kids are nice, and I really like the fact that most of my classmates are funny. We always laugh . There's just always something to look forward to each day, and I'm thankful for being blessed with overloaded fun and happiness coming from people around me.

Life's good, and despite the burden I'm getting from homework and pre-regeneration stress, I'm proud to say that I love school and whatever is coming...just effing bring it on!

Moves Like Jagger

2011-07-15T11:01:00.000+07:00

I know I should've posted this two centuries ago, but in this case, late is better than never, right? My semester break fun ended in Puncak, July 13-14th in a villa with my friends whom I've known since Junior High. Sssst, I edited this post's date.

We expected a lot of 9a-9b people would come but most of them couldn't make it but we went anyway. We went there by car (and we were squeezed in like tunas) and the boys went by motorbikes.The first thing we did was try to find some signal but because the villa was located near a mountain up there so it was really hard to contact people.

When everyone had arrived, we started doing random stuff. We played cards, talked outside, watched the TV, and gossiped inside the room. We also secretly recorded a video for Indira who was moving to Washington. When the evening came, Japer and his friend came, so did Rafi. Then we took pictures inside and camwhored a little before I went outside to see the boys grill some fish. It was sooooooooooo good and delicious and all that.

We went inside and watched Tv all night, I fell asleep. Now here's the interesting part. In the middle of the night, according to them, I told Wafi to stop playing his guitar because it was off-tune (I was still sleeping), and then I laughed in my sleep. They were really afraid of me as they thought I was possessed. I know, LOL. I went back to sleep but the way I slept was weird, I slept on the floor and I was moving around all the time. They were noisy about it and I was disturbed by it, so I sleep-walked to the room but the girls saw me and screamed like crazy. That's when I woke up and I was really confused because people were avoiding me. They all couldn't sleep because of me lol.

I didn't realise what I was doing, but yes, I do talk in my sleep at times and maybe I really was sleepwalking, but I swore to God I wasn't possessed. You guys are chicken!Hahahha. Well at least we have something to remember from that night, even though I'm still a bit mad that you thought I'd been possessed! :)

To Indira, we will miss you so much. Take care in Washington. We've only known you since grade 8 but that's enough to love you♥

Monkey Screamers

2011-07-09T21:46:00.029+07:00

I'm still exhausted, in a good way. I'm so tired of walking, but the best part is that I'm also tired of laughing. I hadn't really been productive for a week, but waking up early yesterday was worth it. Early in the morning I went to school for Pra-MOPPP because I'm a scout girl hehehe. Basically I met the new students and they all played games etc. I just can't believe that a year has passed. I still can recall clearly that last year, it was me sitting there under the sun, talking to my seniors for the first time. Now I've become a senior :)

After that I went to Fifi's house, we had planned the whole thing. We went to Jakarta with her mother & brother.

Then we went to her father's office to pick him up.

Off we went to Jakarta Fair. We laughed too much in the car.

We spent hours there walking around. Btw, I'm so sorry for the instagram spam. We did take a camera but it was too risky to carry it around in such a crowded place, esp an slr one.

It was already midnight when we got home, and we got up at 10 on the next day.

The things we bought.

I hope you all had a good start of the weekend. Anyway, if you know a cool place to take pictures at, tell me. We've been planning to do a photoshoot again but we're kind of bored with our usual place. Recommendations? Bogor-Jakarta would be fine :)

Il est bon d'avoir des amis partout!

2011-07-01T21:54:00.016+07:00

It's always nice to have a time when you can reunite with the people you've missed. It's never a bad day if it's spent with strangers who have become your bestfriends. It's polite to laugh too much. It's not a waste to spend so much money on good food.

It's saddening to write a blog post about my recent trip to Bandung (on my own) three days ago because the thought that I'm now back in my room and it's all over and shit coincides with the sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard.

Having had a butt cramp for 4 hours, I finally arrived at Lora's cute house at around 10am. Two hours later we went to ITB and I saw A Hafizh! He's my senior who's just gotten accepted there. I waved at him from afar and walked to this spot where we had had our last debate sparring before NSDC. We were waiting for Vicario and after he came, we went out to have lunch. We went to this cool place with a cool view. We talked about a lot of stuff but mostly about someone, which was very very funny. If you follow my twitter then you would've seen your timeline filled with my tweets and photos about what I was doing there.

I think we spent hours, and long story short, we decided to catch a movie. You don't have to know what we watched, overall it did make us laugh. I and Lora had to go home so that was the end of the day. In the night, we gossiped a lot. We couldn't stop laughing stalking people's tweets and commenting on each of them and also making fun out of people. Lora, if you're reading this, don't ever forget 'Key + Duplicate', okay? HAHAHAHHAHA. We went to sleep under the stars....the glow-in-the-dark ones, mind you.

The next day I thought I was going to see Gichie. So before meeting up with him, I decided to just eat. We went out of the house in the afternoon and we had lunch at Suis Butcher. We had our steaks but the evening was still a long time to go. We decided that we would just eat desserts. First we ordered something and in a minute it was completely gone. Then we ordered something different and the same thing happened again and again. We stayed there for like, 3 hours. Can you imagine how full of sugar we were by the time we left? When we asked for the bill we were quite shocked by the total price of our cakes, but that was definitely worth it. JIZZ. We left but we still hadn't heard anything from Gichie so we decided to walk around Dago. It was a good walk because it had just rained and there were lots of trees and stuff, but yeah, we looked puzzled because we were clueless on what to do next. After spending an hour walking we went to Dunkin' Donuts and sat there relaxing our butts. After an hour or so Lora told me that Gichie couldn't make it because he was so busy so yeah, totally understandable. I told Lora I wanted Indian food and off we went at 7pm to this restaurant near her old school but sadly it was closed. We then decided to just go to the one near her house, and jizz, we had foodgasm again. If we hadn't been full we would've eaten a complete dosa set.

Sad faces?

Where was Isty? She finally arrived an hour after we reached home. We hugged each other as soon as she got out of her car and we stayed up talking to each other 'til 3.30am. We talked about boys, yucks! Hahahaha, it was so memorable and I slept the earliest, just like NSDC. We laughed until the room's bookshelf was shaken (I'm not exaggerating). The rest of what we did is kept secret and will be remembered as long as I'm mentally healthy.

Now here's the part that sucks. We had to say goodbye to each other. We all had to leave Bandung, including Lora because she was going out of town too. Thank you for everyone and everything that made my short trip memorable. Thank God for creating people that made us laugh :P

I hope we still can be a team for the very last time at PEDC! If you made your way down here, thanks for reading this long post.

Pastry Attempt

2011-06-27T19:52:00.008+07:00

I don't know what to say really, I'm just sort of speechless. Amazing things have happened and I hope everyone's enjoying life as I am!! :-)

Friday has always been my lucky day, not that I don't fancy the other days, it's just that I tend to be at my happiest on Friday. I went to get my report-card that day and I'm still happy with my results. I did improve. My rank went up even though it was not as significant as I had wanted it to be. In the night I kept looking at my report and I didn't feel disappointed. My effort paid off but if I want to pursue medical as my career in the future I'll have to work harder next semester so I can get 88-90+ as my average. Oh, and in July I'm already in grade 11! I was put in the science class, yeah. So excited to see who's going to be my classmates later. X-1 gave me so much to remember about my first year in this school. There were times when I thought I didn't like you guys that much or when I thought you guys were boring to talk to. There were also times when I was fed up of the stereotypes and opinions most of you had about me and my ability. I had those moments but hey, now I'm already starting to miss all that. From orientation, camping, tea walk, but mostly, what I miss is the situation in class everyday. The jokes, the support, the gossips, the competition, the teachers, everything.

I spent the weekend going out with the parents and in the night I went to my auntie's birthday party. Today I managed to arrange ED's 2nd skill training about debate, and it went smooth. Thanks to whoever came! Btw, I'm going to Bandung tomorrow to see my NSDC teammates & of course, Gichie and Vicario. I'm so excited, going there on my own. Sleepover at Lora's :)

Bye!

For Whatever Happens

2011-06-21T23:02:00.008+07:00

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. -Dale Carnegie

Worry never climbed a hill, worry never paid a bill, Worry never dried a tear, worry never calmed a fear, Worry never darned a heel, worry never cooked a meal, It never led a horse to water, nor ever did a thing it "oughter." - Anonymous

If we would keep filling our minds with the picture of happy things ahead, many worries and anxieties, and perhaps ill health, would naturally melt away.... Always expect the best. Then if you have to hurdle a few tough problems, you will have generated the strength and courage to do so. - George Matthew Adams

Most of the things I worry about never happen. Goodnight.

Cycle Three

2011-06-19T20:13:00.006+07:00

That is my sleepy face that I put on each morning, looks worse on school days. This one was taken by my sister at 10 am because she wanted to wake me up with the flash light of the camera. What an idea. Well, I must admit that I'm definitely not a morning person. On holidays I would stay up until 2am doing random stuff like watching ANTM or HIMYM on my iPod or simply stalking people's tweets. Then when my eyes are heavy I will sleep and wake up when everyone else has left the house.

Standard.

This week has been a memorable one. I had a hard time thinking (again) about how I was so close to winning two national competitions I had joined, and how I had screwed up in my science papers, but I've let it all go. The next morning I was already smiling thinking about how freedom was so close and how I was luckier than most of my friends for what I've experienced at my age. I had a sweet Saturday night with both of my parents. We had fun as usual. Rock & roll on full blast, pizza, crosswords, and making fun out of each other's mistakes. I hope you all had a blast this weekend, I did.

Wow.

It's Monday again tomorrow, I'm not sure if I'll be going to school or not. It depends on how I can fight my sleepiness in the morning, hehe. I haven't done 3 daily exams because of skipping school, so I MUST go at least before Wednesday. Life's hard, buddies. Hahahhaa.

I'm broke.

I'm waiting for my pizza and apple pie now, don't be shocked that by the time you see me again, I'll have turned into a pig.

In Between

2011-06-16T22:02:00.003+07:00

I'm feeling so relaxed and blessed now.

THE week is over, and it went by faster than I had expected. Finals was the reason why I stayed up late when you might all know that on school days I sleep at 8.30pm. Finals was the reason I prayed slightly harder than usual, and studied like a crazy nerd which I rarely do these days.

But the result is always unpredictable, isn't it? This term, whatever comes out, I will not regret it. Last year I could've done better but this year I did try my best, and my best is my best. When I say that I really mean that I worked hard. If tomorrow I find out that I score badly, then I just have to accept it, fix it, and move on. I'm going to change the way I study this July. So far, I only have had remedial for Deutsch (dang, I used to be good!), but most of the results haven't come out yet. So I'm just gonna stay home pigging out before I get back to exercising.

Meanwhile, who's excited for some summer ray burning your back on your way to the movies with your friends? Or some saltwater touching your exhausted feet? Or your own gateway by sleeping/eating all day? Some poses for the camera, perhaps? Sleepovers with your debate team, or your best friends? I am :)

Good times fly fast, right? On the contrary, the opposite when it comes to annoying/sad days. Conclusion? No matter what, everything comes to an end, ready to be replaced by a set of new days waiting to be filled with your positivity. REMEMBER that whenever you're going through a living hell.

We Fight, We Clash, We Begin

2011-06-03T20:39:00.013+07:00

Thursday? The first thing that rushes to my mind is how carefree we were, recording videos of us singing in our room. We hadn’t socialized yet, and we were not worried about anything. I miss that night, where I laughed until my stomach really hurt when we were given those clothes which turned out to be men’s. And that Ibu from the province, right? The way she talked was the highlight of the day, where NSDC still meant nothing, and the smell of the bathroom was the only thing that bothered me. When having no blankets was the only thing that made me upset.

Although Lora really wanted to literally break ice to release her anger I suppose, that didn't happen. Instead, we had fun ice breaking and knowing each other. We also made the coolest tag line ever! The rain was heavy, and to warm ourselves up we had mock round. Apparently the bollywood-ish motion triggered our spirits to be entertainers, so instead of case-building, we closed our books, sang, and pretended to be radio announcers in that room. The debate went well, and if the day was put into a graphic, I'm sure that it was going up. We laughed until the car was shaking, and I bought this strange medicine. Before we slept, we saw these 2 old men Vicario & Gichie and talked to them about the way this particular woman talked and how wise this particular man was. Lord, forgive me for joking about your creations.

Stomachache, butterflies, the fluttery feeling and uninvited nerves that combined into a colony inside my body hit me since the morning. Was it because I had previously taken that medicine aka obat kuat? Wasn't it supposed to give me strength? Whatever, maybe I just wanted some more sleep. The girls went out for breakfast and as usual, I had 10 more minutes of sleep. An hour later I was already case-building about the normalization of transvestites, and we won even though my speech was a mess. The sun was getting hotter and this time we had to face swing team which consisted of 1 high school boy and 2 college students (one was very tall, one looked like a kid, and one looked so old). Although it was a prepared motion about supporting Obama's stance in returning Palestine-Israel borders, we were definitely not prepared, so we lost. Now the sun was going down and the effects of that damn medicine controlled me. I couldn't stand people's voices, I couldn't stand the headache, but we won it anyway because my teammates were just that good :) My speech was a route of words spinning around in circle. Laying on my bed in the night made me feel better, and we had our usual dialogues about unimportant things that were really funny. What would tomorrow be like?

Sunday. It was the closing of the weekend, and that was our last shot to be one of the top speakers. Both were silent rounds, and the last one was pretty tough. I ran out of things to say, and the debate went off track. Maybe I feared the swing team too much, because one of the members of team Indonesia was in it. I don't know, but well, we had something to look forward to. GIRLS, mind you. The breaking night! I think a lot of people (including me) had their own definition of 'vintage', but as long as there was someone who looked older than me, it was okay. We had so much fun dancing to music and taking pictures! It looked more like a birthday party but well, it was great and I'm glad I didn't wear heels. Before the announcement, we had our own treasure hunt to find clues and decode them! At the end, yes we made it to top 16, and we went to bed feeling relieved. Oh, and happy :)

My sisters from jakarta ♥

Laura, Vicario, Isti, Me, Gichie.

Sume! (adjudicator, lora's friend)

The twins from Bali, congrats!

Things were starting to get a little bit tough for my team. We won the debate, we made it to quarter finals, but we lost there. We lost and I did really give my best. It was like getting hit by a huge rock, you know? That was the first time I had cried in months, because we had made it that far. I really couldn't stop crying knowing that we must have sucked. A special thank you is given out to Ibu lies, my teammates, and Gichie & Vicario and other participants for making me feel better, although the feeling couldn't all go away. In the night we went out to karaoke, and it was fun :3 Garlan (team indonesia 2010) was there too. We also went back to the same place on the next day with more people including our chief adjudicator Reggie :D

Congrats to Aceh for winning NSDC 2011, and for everyone that made it to the top speakers and go to worlds after training camp. I did not, and it was one of the saddest moments in my life because I knew I was disappointing a lot of people. But this is God's way of telling me to wait, and I have to wait because I will make it next year, I will go to worlds if I want to. I will train myself harder and join more competitions before NSDC 2012. I hope the world doesn't end first, amen. Hehehe :D

After grand finals, crying face.

Saying goodbye to the neighbor :3

Tearing up

I will never forget everyone, and I don't know what it's gonna be like to have new people next year. Why are you all so old, huh? Please witness me as I follow your steps. As I left the building, I wondered, why did I cry when I knew that I should be glad when you all were glad! Silly me, but yeah, I cried because everything was going to be different, and as I stared at the empty room, I knew my heart would always be filled by everything we had shared in NSDC. I hate to miss people, but yeah, that's what I'm feeling, and I'd better get used to it. Give me a time machine and I'd gladly go back in time just for this.

-Cheryl, 10th grader, West Java team 2011 :D
ps: Contraction!!! So memorable :D ouh, and NSDC is National School Debating Championship mehehehhehe (Y)

Gaps

2011-06-03T00:43:00.007+07:00

To be honest, you guys didn't fail me, and I hope I didn't fail or disappoint you. Sorry for being the most annoying, the one who woke up the latest, the one who never wanted to take a shower before you two. Sorry for complaining about the mess in the room, or how noisy the music was to me. Sorry for being childish, I hope you'll miss that. Sorry for borrowing lots of stuff because I am that clumsy! Sorry for not being able to have spent more days with you before this, but I hope we'll see each other more often after. Sorry for not giving the best out of my brain during case-buildings, or supporting as much as I could when you guys gave your speech. Sorry for being lazy to research, but I really did my best. Sorry for whatever I did or said. Despite how Isti's accent bothered me so much (hehehe), or how sharp Lora's words sometimes...I never regret being in a team with you. Was that our last time debating together? I never thought that a week could put me in a bond so wonderful like this. I'm sorry for crying the hardest when I knew I had a chance and you guys didn't.

I love the way we laughed at things, only a few people get my sense of humor, you know? Or how we pretended to be radio announcers, singing and having a fake dialogue in a meeting room during mock round. Or, how I once said 'Shame shame' and directly you told me it was not right. Or, how we would immediately got happy when we entered our room and found it cool. Remember our little trip to the supermarket, where I bought weird stuff and we all choked ourselves laughing in the car? Or how we faked our laughs when we should, and held it to be polite? Remember gossiping about the conflicts other teams had? We didn't have them, did we? Remember being afraid of other teams and beating them? Remember looking down on people and losing to them? Remember staying up recording videos, taking pictures, and wondering about making it to grand-finals? Remember being happy when we received money? Remember the batik we would wear to grand-finals? Remember me being mad because Lora wrote 'We definitely are gonna lose' on post-it? Remember us sighing whenever those 2 people came? Remember discussing in the night? Well, I do, and I don't want my short memory span to vanish them all.

Thank you for everything, the reason we didn't win is because losing was the best way to make us better. We weren't bad, we beat 25 teams can you believe that! I know that feeling when it clings and leaves a big hole, and you wonder why this happens to you. I know that feeling when you've given your best but your least-expected happens. Well, I've learned from it all. Are you proud now that I've stopped crying and started to find the silver lining? I'm an optimist , I had never been that way before. I was always happy, and you know why not placing made me sad? It meant something to me, it meant something important and it came with a lot of sacrifices, but I made this choice and consequences were just a tiny part of it. What comes along better is the friendship, and experience, that will take me back there next year, and make it to worlds, even if that means your presence will only be a memory. I'm the pearl in the mud, right? Well, the pearl in the shit, according to Laura. And if I'm polished, I will be the 1st! I promise you will be the first to know. Sorry that it had taken me days before I realized that this all was the most important thing.

Take care, Laura & Isti :)

Long Distance

2011-05-25T21:10:00.000+07:00

I think my blogging mojo is back, but I don't know if it's just my alibi so I can procrastinate. When you give Cheryl 1000 reasons why she should start doing what she's got to do, she'll give you 1001 reasons why she should put it off.

I passed the first selection of AFS, but unfortunately the second test is on the same date as my national debate championship, something I've been looking forward to. In the middle of my confusion and suggestions that kept coming from people, I tossed a coin. As simple as that, and when the coin was in the air, I secretly wished for that particular side to face me. So I knew what I wanted at that very moment, and you know? I've decided to focus just on NSDC and I don't want AFS to be on my way there.

I'm currently researching for my debate, and I have four prepared motions to research about. Damn, I've been focusing on the motion " TH Supports Concealed Handguns on College State Campus" too much that I didn't realize that I had been neglecting the other three. I hope Laura and Isti are doing a great job out there researching. To be honest mates, I suck at this. My brain gets suddenly tired when what I see on my screen are not photos or game characters.

So btw, I'm hyped for NSDC! Despite that I'm nervous, I'm so excited to see how the other debaters from all over Indonesia are and how I can handle them. They're gonna be tough, but what's the big deal? We're all the same, the best of our own province. The opening starts on Thursday and on the breaking night (as Laura has told me), the dress-code is vintage! Hmmm, I hope whatever we wear will be pretty, and we'll break through as well! I already have a dress but we'll see.

Wish us luck!

A Letter from Mrs.Bond

2011-05-23T20:30:00.011+07:00

Dear people,

This is about my birthday. Yes, it's late, but that doesn't stop me from doing my annual routine. I wanna write what being 16 has felt like. No, it's not my sweet 16, because I celebrate sweet 17, which means the very special birthday is next year.

It was a school day, nothing extraordinary. I fell asleep as usual, and I woke up a minute after midnight, half awake. I thought to myself " Really? I'm 16?". I went back to sleep and the next time I woke up, I had received a lot of messages. I was too lazy to reply so I just replied Fifi and planned to reply the rest at one time. In the morning, my family woke me up, congratulated me and gave me a really nice Hallmark birthday card, something I'd been collecting, and an extra envelope. I went to school, and my new classmates said 'happy birthday' to me. I went to the teacher's room and some of them also did the same thing. I studied as usual, and I opened twitter and facebook on my phone, a lot of people had wished me too. Thank you for that, yeah?

So I went home and that feeling stung. "This is something I've been looking forward to, yet when the time has arrived, it feels normal. The only difference now is that I don't want this day to end." I missed my old friends in junior high, where people would sing to me and take me out instead of constantly asking me when I'd treat them lunch. I missed staying up until 12 waiting for my birthday with that someone.

Being 15 is something I'll never forget. One of the best things in my life happened when I was 15, I learned so much, met new people. I learned to be strong and I was never sad. And I promise, that being 16 will even be much better. I'll be an even better person. I'll go to more places and meet more people, and I'll always have that positivity in me. I have nothing else to wish for besides more funny things and people to come along. I'll achieve what you can't. I'm so thankful that God has given me 16 lovely years of life which I should appreciate. I can never ask for a better soul.

Love,
Cheryl 007

This

2011-05-23T00:37:00.003+07:00

This is it. It seems like I just met them yesterday. Now they're by the door, ready to leave. Some have shattered hearts, some are happy they're leaving. People waving goodbye and me saying hello, I guess it's just another cycle in my life I must go through. No more waiting for someone to pass by and smile, or for someone else to come and teach me. I bid my farewell and I really wish to see you again, and nope, I don't like new ones.

This is it. The end of the weekend, and there goes another phase where you find yourself wanting to skip everyday and fast forward to Friday. Seriously, is there more in life other than simply waiting for days to pass? Yes, and that's what I'm seeking. I'm seeking for bliss in my stressful days, where at the end of the day I can smile because my existence is worth something, and that's what I'm trying to do. I'm on my way, watch me. There's a reason why I have to face piles of homework or hundreds of events, and that's because I have the potential to do so. Maybe my 'self' wants to prove how far I can go, please witness me as I run.

This is it. This is the end of something, and the start of a new beginning. Each day you raise and fall, you wake up and sleep, you smile and you frown, and at the end, you want to go back to to the start again, and this phase will never end.

Of Inconsistent Rain & Humid Air

2011-05-19T14:24:00.013+07:00

A lot of things have happened. It was my birthday, right? And I didn't get the chance to write a birthday post! I attended the B4E summit and I had sessions with so many famous inspiring people there. I'm so grateful to have been given the chance and gotten my speech chosen as one of the best 20's to go to another phase of the competition. Hurray! I had such a blast last week because for 5 consecutive days, school finished at 12 as some clubs had their own events for us to attend. On Monday we had a sex and reproduction seminar which was very funny. The famous dr. Boyke was there and boy, did I shit myself laughing. On Tuesday it was my turn to arrange the event, as it was time for SIA (Scout in Action). We invited the famous & handsome John Pantau and also a band. John is the kindest, friendliest celebrity I've ever talked to.

Weekend:
Bandung day 1 (Friday) : Lunch @ our fav noodle restaurant, Paris van Java.

SKECHERS!

Bandung day 2 : Debate sparring, lunch with Lora, Isti, Bellice, Pandu (coach) and Yosaka, debate sparring again, saw the Indonesia 2011 team debate, back home, out for dinner.

Bandung day 3 : Last minute shopping, breakfast at mom's fav chinese restaurant, back to Bogor.

Will post more pictures later, too lazy to transfer them from my cam. Wish me luck for NSDC, Enthusiastic, and everything that I'm going to fight for next week. I miss school! Btw, have you voted and commented for my article? I need you to win! Go HERE,vote for my article, and comment. Ask me questions, share your thoughts, anything. Don't forget to tell me who you are and where you're from. It's about tiger conservation! Thank you :)

Vote!

2011-04-23T20:47:00.004+07:00

So to be brief, Pa Suarta called me 2 nights ago at 9pm to tell me that the English teachers of my school had selected me to represent the school for this speech writing competition by The Student Globe. Other students also signed up but mine was apparently 'the best' according to my teachers even though I personally think my friends' speeches are better. That means I'm going to Jakarta next week for the b4e Summit 2011.

My speech is 'Bring Back My World'. It's a green speech and it tells how much I long for peace in this world. Winning this thing doesn't have anything to do with the votes I have, but since my speech is featured on the website, it's nice to see how many votes I have, isn't it? So go and read my speech if you have time, and vote for me if you like it! Thank you for all of you who have voted, 100 hits in less than 24 hours! :) Here's the link to my speech : VOTE

Stuff To Do

2011-04-20T14:50:00.003+07:00

My birthday is just 1 week away, people! Well if I lived in another country this would be my sweet 16 but here we celebrate sweet 17. That's a good thing because I have one extra year to think about my party! Well this year I suppose I'm not going to do anything much since I have school. I've asked my dad for something I want for my present and he said yes! :) Btw, I've got a few things I want to do before/after I turn 16.

- Get a new haircut, my hair now is just curly and that's it. I wanna style it up a bit.
- Have a toned body, being healthy is a must! (Working on it)
- Get another piercing
- Go shopping like crazy
- Study like crazy too
- Donate
- Take nice pictures with my bestfriends, most likely Fifi!
- Have a positive attitude

Holidays have been awesome, even though all I've been doing is sleep & eat & exercise. Hope I can see my friends tomorrow. Life's good :)

Friday First Day

2011-04-16T12:09:00.009+07:00

of holidays.....! I'm so happy that finally the time I have been waiting for since a long time ago is here. School this month was really crazy with exams and homework, and if I hadn't had fun (and a bit of stress) arranging events like STIC or Klinik Diafragma, believe me I would have died! I also have completed a lot of tests, like a competition for smansa day (made it to the finals! wml) and the selection for Siswa Teladan 2o11 (Honors Student). Pretty proud I tell you, because til the last stage of the selection, I was the only 10th grader with Sigit. Pity when they told me to spontaneously make some original work, I only came up with a physics/chemistry experiment on electrolysis. Congrats to my 2 seniors who have been chosen to represent the school for Bogor competition :) I should ace next year! Oh, and I'm also not joining ALSA National E-Comp because I'm applying for AFS, tough decision.

I didn't know my hair was this long!

I've been swimming A LOT, which explains the ~~sexy~~ tan I have. I'm also still coming down with a flu, that's why I skipped school on Thursday. Went to Grand Indonesia with Ka Ami (her blog) and had lotsa fun. God knows what we did yesterday...hahaha. She also bought a present for her friend which we found in Mango and I ended up not buying anything for my friend's birthday because I spent my money in Forever 21 :P

Psssttt......someone's birthday is coming up! So excited :D

Contemplating

2011-04-14T11:38:00.005+07:00

I'm thinking of not using blogspot anymore & moving to tumblr for my personal daily blog.

Suggestions? Yeah I'm so indecisive. Blogspot is getting boring and I don't think people read my blog anymore, while tumblr is just simple & fun. But I'm still caught up with all the memories I've posted on this blog. Hmmmm comments? x

ps: my 2 tumblogs: HERE and HERE

March Rain

2011-03-31T17:14:00.010+07:00

Why am I here? Why am I blogging? Why am I still in my uniform? Why haven't I done my homework? Why do I laugh this much? Why do I get leg cramps after I sit on the floor? Why am I not getting any taller? Why do I miss you so much? Why don't I stop procrastinating -for once in my life? Why can't I wait for summer? Why is it so hard to decide what to do and what to get for my birthday? Why can't I make up my mind? Why am I not that clever? Why is sleeping so good? Why have things changed?

What do I have to do first after this? What should I choose? What amazing thing is going to happen tomorrow? What do I study geography for? - I wanna be a doctor. What are you doing today? What are your secrets? What's your favourite thing? What do you like for breakfast? What is the secret formula of all my favourite food? What will my scores be at the end of the school year? Where am I going to spend my holidays? Do I have to wait longer? When are you going to reply my messages? Sorry for being too random.

p/s: The opening of Smansa Day was just, great.

EMM n EMMS

2011-03-08T21:17:00.008+07:00

The first week of March has been eventful :) I'm on a week holiday right now because the 12th graders are having their final exams and I'm gonna use this one in a lifetime chance to hibernate and catch up with some buddies. My internet's finally back after being down for a couple of days which made me nuts cos I didn't know what to do with my homework. Just yesterday I had a field trip to @America, Pacific Place Jakarta and after that I went to shop & have lunch with Fifi and her mother. Lovely day with good laughter and FOOD :D

So so ....how could I forget such a memorable part of the first week of march? Hmmmm, so on Thursday (the week before) I was invited to the farewell party of Pa Oman the headmaster of SMPN 1. He was being replaced by someone new as he had been a headmaster for 4 years. I was there to sing. Yeah. So I went to Spensa & I had a great time with my seniors & friends who used to be in the vocal group. As everyone is in a different school, we updated each other on what had been going on with our studies & stuff....then we attended the assembly then after that we sang. A student read a poem no longer after that for Pa Oman and I literally couldn't hold my tears anymore.

FYI, I would have never cried if it hadn't been Pa Oman. He was always kind to me. I still remember the first time I won a competition and a week later he treated me at Pizza Hut. He always supported me no matter I won or not, and he was so humble to all of his students. Simply put, comparing him to my current headmaster is what made me cry. These days I feel like I'm not appreciated for what I've done. I cried because even though I don't study in SMPN 1 anymore, I still felt that we were gonna have a big loss. So at the end, we gave him a surprise and sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY (his birthday was near) and gave him a bucket of flowers.

Life's all about hellos and goodbyes, but believing that we all will reunite again someday :)

Nine-Teen

2011-02-28T20:49:00.007+07:00

The last day of February went surprisingly quiet amazing I think.

Skill training (eASY's ED work program I'm responsible of), singing after that, and lots of laughter at home.

Mind you, I really love making colourful presentations :D

8pm, home, still in my uniform. #likeaboss

I've learned that there's nothing to be afraid of when you haven't even tried. Once you have, you will learn pretty quickly that it's not the good result that satisfies you. It's simply knowing that you have more courage than most people do.

Not Really Grumpy

2011-02-26T15:11:00.000+07:00

It's SATURDAY! Well I'm usually more excited when it's Friday but my school has a break til Monday so I'm happy I get to skip the day everyone fears :)

I kind of have forgotten what happened 2 weeks ago, all I can recall are exams and meetings after school. Last week was fantastic! On Saturday I had UMS with LSWK & at first I thought it would be horrible! My seniors made it seem as if it was going to be a serious event but at the end I'm SO HAPPY & relieved that I woke up and decided to go to school. I had so much fun walking around searching for clues & stuff. The rest of it is kept secret. All I can say is that I love my 37 & 38 even more ;)

I think the carefree, relaxed me is back. Things are getting more stressful each day, with all the stuff I need to handle but at least that's better than being the couch potato I used to be, right? I really wish my scores will improve as well as my organization skills. I really like going to school now, everyone is just so funny. The teachers are kind and friendly. My fav subjects are math (always), arts, and P.E. I don't mind waiting for 3 hours after school ends on Friday just so I can attend PE class at 2 or 3pm :D

I wish you all have a blast at the end of February and a kick ass start of March.
xoxo

Beautiful Nightmare

2011-02-12T10:55:00.010+07:00

You know what? 2 weeks ago, I was so not looking forward to Monday. I feared it as if it was going to kill me, and the thought of not being able to handle so many things at a time really bothered me. I couldn't even sleep because I knew that if I did, tomorrow would come in a blink of an eye.

We went to RP on Tuesday for our first preliminary round. Have you ever felt like it was going to be a bad day but it turns out good at the end? Yeah that's what we felt. The next day we debated again but out of 2 matches we lost once, but both of the Smansa teams managed to go to the quarter finals! Oh yeah, we can't thank Justin Bieber enough. One of the matches was humor round and guess what? The motion we got was "THW assassinate JB" and we were the negative side, haha. Semi final round was the hardest, we were debating against last year's national champion or something and the motion was " THBT 6 party talk is the way to solve Korean Conflicts ". We did our best even though we were hopeless, but we were going to finals!!. So yeah, at the end, we placed second.

Besides competitions, on the next Monday I and some of my friends went to Jakarta for UNESCO interactive dialogue about inter-cultures. It was a great day also. It was a great experience and I was glad they were really interested in my school and what we do. Photos updated.

with teacher :)

I also spent 2 days this week with Fifi who had just undergone a bone surgery. I missed her and decided have a sleepover at her house. Slept at 12 and laughed over so many things. Get well soon. I really can't wait to see you back in school on Monday! I hate seeing you way taller than me, though. Haha joking x :)

I Eat (a lot) when I'm Bored

2011-01-22T22:14:00.028+07:00

I knew this was coming, I knew I was gonna miss being lazy again.

I've had quiet a lot of stuff going on this week. School has been crazy with all the materials and homework given. I've got freaking lots of presentations to be done...sociology, geography, civics, and environmental education. I also need to start on my English & Indonesian essays and oh man....not mentioning the Physics Experiment report (holiday homework) which I haven't done up til now. Oh, and I haven't started making a blog tutorial for ICT! Everything's due next week..so yeah, Monday's gonna be a monster. Procrastination rocks. There's another debate competition next week and on the same day I freaking have my 1st biology exam and those presentations. Man, what should I choose? I'm really being laid back so I don't really care if I lose. The motions kinda suck. What I'm worried about is having to skip more and more classes for 3 days and catch up the next week.

Anyways, I'm still happy, even happier each day. I keep telling myself that I'm gonna miss what I'm doing, you know? I wanna make the best out of everything. People around me are just so nice I can't ask for better people. Old friends, new ones, favourite teachers, classmates, amazing seniors, and smart people I like to talk with, thanks for being there. I'd also say sorry all of the things I've neglected ; my band, LSWK, ED :(, violin & piano.

confused mode on

Oh and especially for you readers who constantly waste 5 minutes of your life everytime you read my blog, I still think my life is getting more interesting even though my posts don't show it that much. Haha. I just pretty much write what I feel & stuff so one day I can go back and read it all again. I love feeling nostalgic, even if it's only about something like...working til 6pm on an essay about cultures for UNESCO with my friends (Aqila, Daffa, Safira & Ka Ami). Wink Wink! ;)

Hmmm to be honest I'm exhausted right now. I can't wait for February! MUST.GO.OUT. Anyone?

Ps : I update my tumblr like, a lot. You can find the link somewhere on this page.
Pps : I wanna go home with ya.

Looking forward to writing another post cos by then, I'll have done so many things.

Newton

2011-01-15T01:49:00.007+07:00

My plan to reconnect with the atoms that compose you has failed bitterly because the empty spaces inside me are mostly filled with pride. Most of the time, I'm just confused. School has started again and it's a sign that I'm going to be away for a while. What happened in 2010 stays in 2010. I wake up to the sound of rain and for the next 8 hours I am trapped in a box where the absence of people means more laughter and the presence of thoughts determines my emotions 6 months later. 5 days with something that sounds irritating which can make me feel free. I am feeling more organized and it's actually better than staring blankly at a screen when my feelings are just as tangled as those cables that connect us. I'm happier because I know I'm doing better, and because I have a distraction in a form of the nicest person in the world. I've been laughing a lot and that's the way I wanna spend the rest of my life. One plan might have failed but it's not blocking me from making even more and better unplanned plans.

I've learned that without a little sadness we wouldn't know what happiness means, without a busy stressful day we can't enjoy freedom, and without people that leave we'd never find the one who has stayed all this while.

Have a great weekend, don't forget to be happy.

2011

2011-01-06T11:45:00.004+07:00

What can I say...2010 was a great great year. There were ups and downs and I really hate to say that in 2010 I became close to some things & people but ended up being too distant, but gladly I had so many memories worth a lifetime of reminiscing.

I'm relieved it's over though, I can start a brand new year. I haven't got any resolutions as I've come to realise that I don't wanna live up to expectations or targets. I've always lived in freedom, and this year I'm gonna live and enjoy. Yeap, just that. I'm gonna love my life more, cherish every part of it, and get closer to everything I love doing and seeing. I've challenged myself not to disappoint people (including myself) this year and I think that becomes a sort of a good goal or whatever. I want so many good things to happen and by trying not to disappoint myself, I'm gonna work on making them happen. People want me to be responsible for the choices I've made and this year I'll prove that I'm not going to let them down. As simple as that.

Talking about 2011, I haven't really wished anyone a happy new year yet. I only tweeted Happy New Year! here on the 1st of January so whoever reading this, I wish 2011 has been nice to you and will always be. Hmmm no, that sounds wrong. I wish you've been nice to 2011 and will always be nice this year to yourself and everything. Positivity people!! You're gonna get what you give!

Moving ooooooon, 2011 has been a blast but it's kinda saddening that holidays are almost over! I'm going back to school but it's okay since I've missed everyone. I haven't done my holiday homework yet hahaha, so yeah, this post ends here.

Teacher's Room

2010-12-21T18:48:00.005+07:00

So like, what's up with the title. Yeah, last week was mostly spent there, trying to check my scores and ask the teachers for more and more homework to fix em up.

It was so eventful. I felt productive.

I joined another English debate competition (it was only for Bogor students tho) with my friends and seniors and I won. 1st place & best speaker too. Oh and Ka PP won 2nd place for speech. Congrats, at least the 'ohmagod I want to skip that day asap' feeling isn't here anymore and it felt kinda good to win. At least, something other than exams or homework happened. Haha :)

meteor?

Hmmm I've forgotten what I wanted to write earlier.....So btw, remember Pagelaran? The musical drama thing I did a year ago? Yeah, it's been a year already and today I went to see my juniors perform. I miss 2009 :') 2010 is going to end soon and 2011 is coming up. More useless new year resolutions, wishful thoughts, silly wishes, catching ups, but what matters to me is how I enjoy every second of it better than I did in 2010.

Met her today :) Went to my house and recorded lots of videos of us singing Listen <3

Don't plan to change your routines or life, just plan to have the courage to be happy and laugh 24/7 and to do everything you could've done in 2010. Make it different. Make it unforgettable that you will never wish to go back to the previous year. 2010 and every element you're composed of, thank you for everything. One of the best years ever. Not because everything went perfect, but because I knew I had the world to lean my shoulders on whenever the weight I was carrying was too heavy. I've been proven wrong a lot of times and that has made me someone I am now.

Drained

2010-12-14T22:44:00.010+07:00

Have you ever felt like you've put your whole heart in building something, but at the end, that building just tips over & breaks your heart?

not literally, but yeah, it just seems as though my effort didn't pay off. That pride in my chest...why do I have too much of it?

but no matter what....I'm always gonna be happy.I just gotta find out what being happy means and man, at my age, there is still so much to learn. There is still so much time to learn & fix everything up. :)

I love myself, for this optimism that runs through my veins.

Almost There

2010-12-12T12:48:00.009+07:00

Yesterday was the day I had feared since last week, but today is the day I've longed since...2 weeks ago :)

Tomorrow marks the very last day of my finals, and I know I'm going to be so relieved. This week has been a difficult one for me, you know, I really convinced myself I had to get good scores for finals as my daily scores were all disappointing. So I stayed up til midnight studying, and sometimes I just felt like giving up. There were times in those nights that I thought " I should've done this a long time ago", but I knew everything was coming to an end and to get there and not be disappointed again, I had to go through those horrible nights.

That might sound dramatic but I really can become ambitious when it comes to my academic scores. I thought I couldn't handle doing 3 final exams in a day. Imagine memorizing 6 x 3 chapters in one night. Who cares now, I've almost done all my final exams and I'm really proud to say that I've changed a lot. I've never cheated, even one time, in this new school. Never even asked someone, never even worked together. Everyone does it and knowing that every score I have had in this new school is purely my own work is just a great feeling. I should be studying for tomorrow, economics, German, and English. Target : big 3 in school & no 70s / less in my reportcard. Not after having had 80's and 90's and 100's printed in my reportcard for 3 years straight in middle school.

I know I have some disappointing scores that I need to fix in remedial week, wish me luck for that too. At the end, if my effort doesn't pay off, it's gonna break me down a bit. Who's excited for holidays btw? Get ready to go out with me:)

p/s: I completed the harry potter game when I should've started studying. Now I know :P

Friday Favourite Day

2010-12-03T22:47:00.009+07:00

I love animals..random thoughts.

Well surely life's never been as hectic as it is now, but so what? Semester break is only 2 weeks away & I shall enjoy my very last hours this year! I had my last class today which was English. I still have to much to do but I don't wanna do anything if it's not catching up with you. Jokes :)

You know what? Never in my life have I been this grateful. I never found anything to compare myself to, but now that I'm so functioning well, I'm starting to feel so happy for everything. One thing for sure, I freaking loathe seeing people who moan about life. C'mon, how bad can it get? When lots of people out there are dying & struggling just to have a life and not die. Think of what you have that they don't have instead of what you don't have that they have.

I need to study,
love,
Exam-ful Cheryl.

Is it me..you're looking for?

2010-12-02T15:59:00.009+07:00

HELLO GUESS WHO'S BACK!!

Life has been……WOW. Yeah that’s the word. I’ve been fine.. happy...because I feel complete as a human. My days aren’t always smooth but I always choose to see the highlights of each day, the things that make me feel grateful instead of wasting my energy to focus on draining things that could likely make most of you cry :)

The reason of my hiatus and disappearance was…..my lack of time (yeah cliché but I really did) have no time) and access. There was something wrong with my internet but as both of my parents and I are always busy, we just got to fix it up this week. I totally didn’t know I could survive without an internet access on my computer for a long 3 months++! Of course, Thank God for my useful 24/7 internet access in my clever phone :), but still, I couldn’t blog conveniently. My posts would’ve been boring and short because I never like typing on my handphone.

Lots and lots of things have happened. I think those things have added both characters and lessons into me. In my hiatus, I, Cheryl NC, proudly announce you that I :

1) have successfully gone through easy’s regeneration period (LMT) plus a one night stay at school in September. I’m now the coordinator of English Development. This is a hard position because I’m responsible for the progress of the students in English and also their skills. I do things like...skill training, taking care of students’ participations in competitions, etc.

2) joined and won the West Java School Debating Competition. WJSDC is a selection, done every year, to select the best speakers to go to Nationals and then Worlds! My team (Aqila and Ka Salsa) won the 3rd place but guess what….I was chosen as the 1st best speaker! So yeah, I’m going to nationals with 2 other people from different cities. I hope I can win nationals and go to worlds! Finally, winning a competition again!! :)

paris van java on the last day..omnomnom..me treating everyone tutti frutti

3) have also passed (not really a regeneration process, but similar!) UPBA which stands for Ujian Pengambilan Badge Ambalan . This thing is from LSWK. UPBA is a routine process to become their member and the next phase after UPK which I previously did in August. It was slightly hard and rough, tasks everyday, evaluations, early sessions and after school sessions composed of materials and evaluations for 2 weeks. Then I went off to the mountain. It seriously has made each of us closer to each other and UPBA has thought me how to be strong and responsible for our choices. I am now a member of Bidang Usaha LSWK. So looking forward to working together with both my batch and my seniors for a year ahead.

after UPBA..with scout buddies

4) visited Singapore last week for a shopping spree. 3 days of Indian food ( MASALA DOSA yummm) every morning then we would go down to Orchard Road and shop then we would go back to our hotel for an hour and spend the night shopping again! It was a nice escape as things were getting to stress me out at the moment. Exams, tasks, competitions. So I had a really good time skipping school.

me & the sister - Raffles hotel

5) am overwhelmed now! I’ve skipped lots of classes for debate practice, selections in Bandung, training, and last Singapore. I’ve to catch up really quick as next week’s final exam week and I still have 9 daily exams to catch. Dang. I literally do minimum 2 exams each day now during my first break and lunch time.

I've just watched Harry Potter now with Aqila..new high school buddy whom I love gossiping & talking about lots of things with.. :) Btw, does anyone want to catch up with me?

Christmas coming up guys..haha. more & more pics later :DD

It's Only The Beginning

2010-08-11T19:03:00.008+07:00

Wow..what a week! This post is about 2 organizations/clubs that I've joined in Smansa.

eASY ( English Association for Smansa Youth). It's Smansa's English Club, but with the form of a semi-organization. It has 5 divisions (English Development, English for Fun, Public Relation, Headquarter, International Network, and Headquarter). I've chosen English Development as my division. So anyways..eASY also has its Main Committee, as in, the Chairperson, Admin, Secretary, etc. The regeneration period has started and I've been chosen with the other 25 people as the Pre-Main Committee. Some people have been eliminated too. The regeneration period is called LMT ( Leadership Management Training ). We have morning and afternoon sessions everyday, at 6.30 am and after school. Everyday we get daily tasks to prove that we deserve to be the Main Comm! Wish me luck guys, you know, I've told them I wanna be the Chairlady. How confideeent :P

I love eASY! The seniors are very nice and I really look up to them. Yesterday I went to have lunch with them at Talitha's house to welcome Ramadhan! The event was called Cheesy. Had lots of fun! Nice food and games, and laughed a lot! :)

The second one is..LSWK ( Liman Seta Wijaya Kusuma). It's scouts, but it's one of the 4 biggest organizations in Smansa. It's not exactly a regeneration period since only 11th graders can be the pengurus but whatever it is has also started. It's pretty much the same as eASY, we had to make ID's, batch books, and we have to do daily tasks everyday. We also have material sessions almost everyday. I never like scouts, but I've joined LSWK because I just thought I'd find a new family here..hopefully. Last Saturday I stayed for one night in school, wow was it tough and rough, but everything else is kept secret.

I'm looking forward to spending my next 2 years with you.

Orientation

2010-07-25T15:42:00.009+07:00

So...it's finally time to post something about orientation, or MOS (masa orientasi siswa).

Pre-MOS. (9th of July 2010).

MOS hadn't really started yet, but we had to go to school 3 days before it. Pre-MOS made it my very first day of high school. Went to school and lined up. Got informed about which class I was in ; X-1. Shortly, we all went to school that day to know what to take to school for MOS. Here, in Indonesia, we're used to the same old MOS tradition ; a lot of homework/tasks, stupid attributes to wear, confusing things to take to school, and....*you'll know later*.

In my case, I had to wear a bag made of sack in red & white. I also had to wear the 'aids' ribbon, and my hair had to be tied into 2. I had to be in school at 6.30am.

MOS. Monday - Wednesday ( 12th-14th of July 2010)

We lined up and that was the day I first knew about POSKO. POSKO in MOS is POS KOMANDO, which is a group of people that mostly are the leaders of the biggest organizations in smansa, and their job is to evaluate us. There are also PJ's in mos, PJ stands for penanggung jawab (person in charge) and my class had approximately 10 PJ's. Their job is to keep an eye on us, and none of the POSKO & PJ's were nice.

Everything we did was wrong. Not mentioning the work given. They only gave us 10 minutes to eat, and whenever we wanted to drink, we had to ask first. Come on, life is not like that ok? They kept screaming at us and telling us that we had to smile, be polite, be honest, etc. I kept trying to smile and greet all of you, you know? But how could I stand doing nice things to people who didn't even appreciate us? I mean, those grumpy faces. You told us to smile when you didn't even smile back? You told us to be polite and respect you when you yourself were screaming impolitely? Not a good example, I must say. It's like advising people to do things you yourself don't wanna do.

I went home at 6pm everyday because of the work. I slept at 3am. I cried at home because I was exhausted and nobody cared because they were also busy, but I knew if I refused to do my work, everyone would be punished. Frankly, the best time of those 3 days was only during materials given by the police/ the teachers. Shortly, on the end of the third day, they were like " We're so disappointed of your batch, nothing to be proud of, passive, stupid, and weak. Now go home, MOS is over, happy now ? "

very happy indeed~

MOPPP. Thursday, 15th of July 2010.

MOPPP stands for Masa Orientasi Pramuka, Paskibra, dan PMR. (Orientation period of scouts, marching, and red cross). Had fun with different seniors! Basically it was a day where they showed us what LSWK (pramuka), Pandawa 16 (Paskibra) and PMR were in Smansa, and how much fun we could have if we joined. I told them I wanted to join LSWK, cos I had observed that the friendliest seniors were from LSWK and the things they did could be useful.

and nope, we didn't go home after that. After games and presentations, we had to line up again in the yard where POSKO and PJ's had secretly (and cautiously, I'm sure) hidden behind the walls and whooshh, they suddenly appeared. Shortly, they screamed at us again, and told us that it was time for "Sidang Angkatan", or a kind of court for our batch. They mentioned several names as the suspects (mostly they were the people who hadn't shown much progress). We had to defend them from the charge. At the end, none of them were guilty lmao. The worst part was standing under the sun, I guess.

WELCOME TO SMANSA! YOUR BATCH IS CALLED "MERIAM BAJA". WE WANT YOU TO KNOW WHY WE'VE BEEN REALLY STRICT, IT'S BECAUSE WE WANT YOUR BATCH TO BE STRONG!

Okay, so POSKO and the PJ's formed a long line, and everyone had to shake hands with them as we were leaving the building. They laughed and apologized and stuff. I felt a huge relief, I knew they were all good people and MOS had been an arranged drama, so I spent the rest of the day with my classmates & the PJ's. Had so much fun! Laughed and took pictures, no more screaming :D.

The next day there was an event arranged by DKM (Dewan Keamanan Mesjid) called SALAM, a religious event. It was nice too.

Tadabur Alam (Camping), 17th-18th of July 2010.

Yayy! Meriam Baja batch and all the PJ's plus POSKO went camping! We went to Gunung Bunder, and we went there by those big police trucks! Haha, one class one truck. As soon as we arrived we started to put up our tents. We were happy when we were done but guess what, one of the teachers told us to move the tent because we shouldn't be too close to the boys' tents. What thee.!! Who would do 'that' inside a tent, sir? -_-

The afternoon was spent on games. DIRTY! Had so much fun even though our class lost. Then it was time for OSIS (Student Council) and MPK (Majelis Permusyawaratan Kelas)'s turn. They introduced themselves, and then we went back to our tents. Guess what, it rained! What could be worse than being in a camp when it rains? LOL. We all panicked as it was already dark and we had to save our stuff because water was coming in. After 5 minutes, the tent was completely wet and dirty, mud everywhere. EFF MAN. The rain ruined almost everything that night ; the bonfire party, renungan malam. Arghhh. We moved back to the trucks and completely did nothing. We got bored and then they told my friend Bani to play the violin inside the truck. LMAO I FELT AS IF I WAS IN TITANIC HAHAHAHAHA COS BANI PLAYED MY HEART WILL GO ON!! Then Maurine my crazy friend was acting dramatically and saying stuff like ' Omg bani..*with tears*, I'm inlove with you '. Hahaha. Then in the night, everyone slept in the truck (and some outside). What an experience.

In the morning we got up early and went hiking, shortly, we visited posts and shared our feelings about certain people in POSKO/ PJ's and what we felt about MOS. Haha, it was nice too. Then we went down and got ready to go home. Oppps, I forgot to tell you that none of us took shower/brushed our teeth xD

MOS? Awesome experience. Thanks , smansa!

but, I believe that everything you did to us which you've done for decades, everything has been nothing but a tradition. A tradition that's blocking us from developing. Do you think that it's gonna help us have a strong mentality? Nope, it's the other way around. It's making us weak because we're used to being scolded, and that means we can't start doing things before someone screams at us.

9S 1J?(senyum, salam, sapa, sopan, santun, sigap, semangat, etc & jujur). I agree, very nice values, but what's the point of telling us to do so when you're not giving the proper example? When you yourself never do those things? Remember, smiling, being polite, being passionate, greeting people, comes from the heart. The more you force me to do it, the more I think that the good values of doing it have gone.

The work? I again, agree that all the tasks helped us realise that studying in smansa wouldn't be easy. But please, appreciate the work and only scold us when we do wrong. Hahaha.

MOS was awesome hheehhehe :D

p/s: you can google all names you dont know & more pics later :P

Prepare Yourself. It's gonna take a long time!

2010-07-09T22:00:00.012+07:00

I went to Malaysia again for holidays this year. This time it was for 2 weeks.

I left Jakarta on June 20th. The flight was at 2 pm. We got to Impiana Hotel at around 7.30pm. Before I left Bogor, I had written down all my friends' numbers on a piece of paper. In the hotel I then realised I had left it on my desk. Dieeeee. I really didn't know how to contact people as I didn't have my own phone with me. I had previously told Ushana I would text him but I totally had no idea how. I'm so sorry shane. I'd also promised Aisyah to text her when I had reached KL but I was stupid enough to have left that paper. Sorry.

breakfast!

On the next day, around 2.15pm my father took me to SAB. He dropped me off and I went in. First thing to do was to see Pn. Latifah haha. I then saw Aimi & Priya :D After talking to them for 2 minutes I decided to follow them to the form 4 block. I saw Syahirah first, then next it was Suhaimie. I just waved at them and I went to the canteen. I was just going to go to where the form 3's were when I saw Nasreen and her friend. Talked to them for a while too :D Then I went upstairs to see my friends from form 3. They were all still studying and most doors were closed so I went downstairs again and asked people where Regent was. She was still studying too damnit. I was pretty tired from walking around so I waited for school to finish in the canteen. I met Amir, Famira, Nadine, Sara, Keanu, Farouk, and the others. Almost everyone was rushing home. Thank God Nadine & Famira were so kind to talk to me lol. Then they had to go home too and Farouk saved my life! Talked to Farouk until 4 o clock then he went home. I was just gonna wait for my father outside but then I saw Aimi, Dini, Priya, and their friend (im so sorry ive forgotten the name, the girl with the tudung xD).

sara

aimi and d gang haha

The next day was mostly spent on shopping. Went to Pavilion and watched Karate Kid! It was cool and worth FREEZING FOR. I like Jaden Smith!!

we also went to egypt lol!dad found this photo spot hahahaha

Pavi

We went to Subang Airport on wednesday morning as we were leaving for Redang Island. We stayed at Berjaya Resort. The resort itself is kinda small compared to the one in Tioman, but our room was much bigger. We even had a living room and 2 bathrooms. The beach was so lovely and the water was so warm. Lucky our room was near the swimming pool and the beach. We went swimming and snorkeling everyday which explains why I'm so tanned right now. Stayed in Redang for 8 nights. On our second last day, I, my mom and Justine went to Za's house (housekeeping @ berjaya). Mom wanted to see what malaysian kampung looked like lol. I enjoyed Redang but 8 nights was...more than enough. It could get boring you know, staying at one place for too long.

lol, whats that face for, justine?

Okay I was happy to be back in Kuala Lumpur. On Thursday (1st of July) I went back to SAB. I met Malik, Zureen, and Regent! I chatted with Regent & Malik then Suhaimie showed up. I said goodbye to my friends and at 3pm I left SAB with Suhaimie. I told Regent I loved her :P

1 malaysia. lol.

Then off I went to KLCC with Suhaimie to catch Toy Story 3. First we got there and bought the tickets. Had lunch and saw the movie. It was funny, I liked it!! :D After the movie we walked around and around and around and around and around then finally found a place to sit. We had ice cream & it was time for me to go back to the hotel. After saying goodbye I went back to the hotel. I really had fun thank you suhaimie! I was kinda sad knowing that it would be my last holiday in KL for a while. I came back to Jakarta on Sunday.

So that's pretty much the highlights of my holidays. I regret having not been able to meet up with Kenny, Jo, Ceng Yew, Ushana and the others, but someday we'll see each other again ok. Hopefully.

p/s: EFF I FORGOT TO BUY FAMOUS AMOS & EAT MASALA DOSA!!!!!!

Away...

2010-06-19T22:42:00.000+07:00

for 2 weeks. See you later :)

Unexpressed

2010-06-08T22:12:00.011+07:00

Yesterday was my junior high school graduation. I have to admit that we all actually expected to get all touched and cry as it was our last moment together, but it seemed like they didn't plan all that. Arrived there early in the morning and we all lined up and entered the hall. Listened to some speeches before they called our names one by one to go up to the stage where the teachers congratulated us and gave us the certificate which stated that we all had officially graduated from SMPN 1 Bogor. It kinda took a long time.

Fifi, retouching her make up. Haha.

After that we all had lunch and were allowed to take off that stupid blue thing called toga which I really hated wearing. We were all dressed in our Kebaya (girls) and Batik (boys). They also put up a slideshow of our yearbook photos. It was kinda emotional and funny at the same time. Then it was time for student perfomances. Our class sang a song and then some boys from my class performed Dear God on the guitars. Then after some perfomances from other classes, Burning Desire (my band) perfomed! Haha it was also the final performance :) The song was Seize The Day.

Fifi :)

The BD boys.

Ugie :D

Devi ;)

Dyland!

Bunga :)

They're not gonna be in the same high school as me :(

Thank you school, teachers, friends, and everyone. Just remember, that I will always remember you. Remember everything we did together during these 3 years. Remember the studying, the food, the laughter, the dramas, the happiness and everything. But most of all, remember the friendship and love. Remember the dreams we created together...everything will never be the same. -love Cheryl.

Cold Breeze and Warm People

2010-06-04T14:11:00.006+07:00

....and yes, these past 2 weeks have been hectic, yet fun and a lil crazy.

Two weeks ago (22/5 - 23/5) I and my 9a&9b buddies had a farewell party in Puncak (highlands). The place where we stayed at was pretty cool. The place was so big lol. The rooms were more like little huts made of bricks. They were small but nice. We started doing random stuff as soon as we got there. The boys went swimming and the girls were taking pictures but I prefered to stay in the room for a while with Devi and Fifi because I was tired. In the evening everyone went upstairs and had dinner. After that...exhanging presents! Everyone was blindfolded and had to randomly pick one of the presents from the students. I got a present from Dyland and Nadia got the present I brought. I got a flat hat and a bracelet :D Then...bonfire party. Had loads of fun with my buddies. It was already late so everyone went back to their room so sleep, but you know me, I'm so active hahaha. After some minutes, Fifi fell asleep. Devi was on the phone. I was bored but suddenly my phone vibrated. The boys called. Talked to them until 2.30, seriously I couldn't stop laughing.

roomies

everyone!

We all had to get up early in the morning ... for outbond! Yeah (Y). I wasn't that excited, I thought it wouldn't be so exciting as I had previously tried outbond and found it was dirty and boring. But this was one just different, perhaps 'cause I was with my favourite friends. Finished at 12 o clock. My pants were so dirty I looked as if I had shit my pants hahahaha.

Overall I had so much fun.

Oh I wish we could've spent another 3 or 4 nights.

ps: Students from Singapore came to my school the next day, I'll write a post about that later.

Tactics

2010-05-16T19:51:00.005+07:00

How's everyone doing? It's been one hell of a week! Monday : went to Jakarta to perform with Dita. Tuesday: watched Iron Man 2 with some friends who also got accepted to Smansa. Wednesday: stayed at home and played games all day. Thursday: went out, lunch and dinner. Friday-Sunday: Went to Jakarta and stayed there for 2 nights. Munira's b'day party.

Anyways that's the game I've been playing a lot lately. Love it so much , thanks to my buddy for telling me about this game. PLANTS VS ZOMBIES YAW<3<3 Does anyone play it too? As you might already know, I haven't been to school for 2 weeks and everything gets more boring each day. So playing computer games is the only fun I can get. Haha.

Goodbye til then.

Bloody Friday

2010-05-11T09:00:00.006+07:00

I've wanted to post something since last week but I wasn't in my mood back then.

Friday : The day I got my UN result. Everyone was with their parents but since my parents were busy , father was working and mom was in the immigration office, I went to school alone. So that's why I had to wait and got my result after everyone else. The last zz. I was really nervous but everyone told me it was gonna be alright. So I waited and finally Bu Dewi called my name and gave me that fucking envelope. So at the end, I cried. My result was good, but I was really not satisfied. Everyone else got 36++ and I only got 34.45. Math 90, English 94, Indonesian 88, Science...7.25. WTH. So my average was only 8.6. SO BAD OK. I wanted 9.5 for average and I didn't even get 100 for English and Math. Teachers told me it was not because my answers were wrong but probably the scanner couldn't read some of my answers or something. Zz, Yeah, even clever people like Daffa and Satria got 35. Ah, I wish I could just get ' Straight A's' instead of numbers. With Straight A's you could be proud without having to tell people your scores but I guess that wouldn't be fair huh? If my friend got 100 and I got 80 we both would still have A's. Haha. Thanks everyone for the endless support. Everyone kept telling me the same thing..

" UN means nothing you know. I think it's about luck. Every good high school wants you to be their student. You can easily choose the school you want while the others are still studying hard just for the test. You? You've been accepted to Smansa and that's an achievement everyone else can't get. Stop crying, don't think about it too much ok. Be thankful for whatever you got :D "

" Good job! Mom said you were crying on the phone? Why? Because you got 7 for science? Haha, I bet this is the first time you've ever got 7. "

I should be happy, a lot of people (not in my school of course!) even failed UN! :D

Mission Accomplished

2010-05-03T20:48:00.004+07:00

There's big news I've got to tell you! Dum dum dum *drum rolls*..

I've been accepted to my dream school! SMA NEGERI 1 BOGOR :D

So as I've previously mentioned, I did the test on my birthday ( the test was for those who're good at academics and have won a lot of competitions. ) Go and read my previous post. I got the result on Friday. I started to unseal the envelope and then I read the letter. It said that I've been accepted as their student. Yay, Thank God. I and some of my friends who were chosen too immideately screamed and stuff. Everyone in that room was so happy, hahaha. This also means that I don't have to do the normal test and I don't have to go to my current school anymore. To my friends who are still studying now ( preparing for the normal test) , good luck! I know you all can do it.

Thanks for everyone who supported me. Especially parents and teachers and classmates. I hope they're proud of me :)

5480 Days

2010-04-27T13:52:00.005+07:00

Having lived for 15 years doesn't change who I am. Maybe, just maybe, my perception about people and things has changed now, and I'm not as naive as I used to be. but I'm still crazy, I still laugh at everything and I'm still a good kid who is never angry. I wanna have more dreams and perhaps being a 15 year old could make things easier to achieve. I'm so thankful that at my age now, I've achieved so many things. I'm happy that while teenagers at my age are facing troubles, being so emotional (PMS they say!), cursing life and friends, crying for boys, I have nothing to worry about. Being 15 also means moving into a new school, wearing white and grey uniform, great holidays, joining some clubs, new friends, new family members. Whoa !!

So I'll tell you what happened on my birthday!

- Got lots of walls on Facebook. Replied them one by one. Thanks guys!
- Woke up at 12 when my alarm went off, haha. Got some text messages, replied them. Thank you for staying up late!
- Went to school and 9a and 9b sang Happy Birthday for me. Thank you so much, buddies!
- Directly went to SMAN 1 Bogor to do some tests. FYI, I was chosen as one of the 15 students from all over the country ( students who are good at academics). If I pass this test, I can study there without having to pass the normal test. The result will be out on Friday. I really hope I pass this one but if I don't, I still can do the normal test in May. Wish me luck!
- Birthday dinner with family.Indonesian food :D

what's gonna happen when I'm 15? God knows :D

Just Like Flags

2010-04-24T13:21:00.009+07:00

We've just taken the photos for our yearbook. I had a great time as everyone from 9B was there (except for Dilla who was sick). I think I'll just leave you with some pictures..btw, these are not the photos for our yearbook, just the photos we took there. The photos that will be printed on the yearbook haven't been sent to me yet! You just wait! :)

ps : I'll upload more~

Escaping The City

2010-04-23T20:59:00.005+07:00

This week has been great ! I spent most of my time outside the house. So on Monday night my teacher called me all of a sudden to ask me if I would like to join this competition in Bandung (the same as last year), but this time I wasn't going to join the speech contest since I had no time for that. I was asked to play the piano for the singing competition my friend Dita ( in 2008 she was in the same vocal group as me and we joined a lot of competitions together back then) wanted to join instead, so as the pianist had to be a student too, they chose me. I agreed, and I spent Tuesday and Wednesday practicing all day long with Dita. The songs were Stand Up For Love and Over The Rainbow. Everything must be ready in 2 days man! So on Wednesday I stayed over at Dita's place. Stayed up until 12 doing random stuff while waiting for her dad to come home. At 1am Dita's father came home and saw us practicing and then he told us what was needed to be changed and stuff. Then we slept for 1 hour and woke up at 2am, we got ready and left the house for Bandung at 2.30. It took us 4 hours to finally get to the place where the competition was held. Nobody was there yet, so I went to the playground and took random pictures.

Then at 8 o'clock I met my juniors and English teachers who had stayed there since Saturday. The competition started at 10am. We made it to the final round and at the end, Dita became the first winner. Everything paid off! Everyone was amazed by her amazing voice. So we left the place at 2pm and went to Dita's aunt's house first somewhere in Bandung. Dita's mom wanted to sleep so yeah. Left at 5.30pm and in Puncak we stopped by Cimory because I and Dita had planned to go there and we really wanted to see what it was like there. Took photos again and bought snacks and milk (it's a restaurant where they also have a milk factory). The view there is really nice! Might to there again someday. Finally reached home at 10.30pm. Tired but I really had fun. Had lots of food I swear.

I know, I have bad teeth :(

Hehe, it was a big competition so I'm so glad Dita won. Congrats girl! We should celebrate this :)

You Can't Be Too Careful Anymore

2010-04-17T15:31:00.006+07:00

Okay, so today doesn't feel like Saturday at all. I had to go to school do a trial for the upcoming UN on Monday (this one's in English). And and, I swear I wanted to cry in school while doing the trial. It was really really hard, not because it was in English but it was just, so hard. I hope the real one won't be as hard as this :S So yesterday Pa Budiman's wife passed away. No teacher came to class . So btw this happened when I met my other teacher. Him : Hey cheryl! Me : Oh hi, where have you just been? Pa Budiman's house right? Him : Yea. Me : Did Pa Budiman die too? Him : HUSH!! Me : Sorry! Hahahahaha! Okay, I didn't mean to say that. I was gonna ask : " Did Pa Budiman cry? " Him : Hahahaha, of course he cried! Who wouldn't cry when their wife passes away? Me : Ok ok, see you later! Sometimes I don't concentrate on what I'm saying, hahahaha xD All I wanted to ask was "Did Pa Budiman cry" xD

Anyways, I finally got myself these. xD Ray Ban Wayfarer.

I'm bored with my black ones ;p

The Key

2010-04-14T22:28:00.008+07:00

I'm happy that I'm breathing freely, without worries that used to fill up my lungs.
I'm happy because I see myself smiling.
I'm happy to have experienced life's ups and downs and I still can remember.
I'm happy that I find joy in laughing.

I'm happy that I still want to be happy and refuse to be sad.
I'm happy because I choose to be happy.
I deserve to be happy, so do you, so does everyone else.

love life and yourself
be an optimist
be crazy
respect yourself and what you have

be grateful buddy

and let the rest happen naturally.

Answer

2010-04-13T17:12:00.001+07:00

What is LOVE?
Why is everyone talking about it?

Bell, RING!

2010-04-12T10:36:00.000+07:00

So this is Cheryl, blogging via my phone just because I'm bored. I'm still in the exam room. I've just done my Pkn paper and God, was it really annoying. Easy but tricky okay! -.-

I've been playing games on my phone so now wanna continue playing. I like my teachers because they don't notice me playing with my cell.

This week is an important week, will be off studying! Wish me luck.

P/s: DAMN, I FEEL LIKE FARTING.

She's Happy and Sick

2010-04-06T21:46:00.006+07:00

Hooohoo yess, I've been sleeping like crazy. Not that I'm lazy or what, (mmm, I cannot say that, I must admit I'm lazy), but I just need to sleep. You guessed it, I'm currently not feeling really well as I'm coming down with a fever. I woke up this morning to a massive headache and people, snot all over your pillow isn't something nice to see. Yesterday I got soaked on my way home from school so that must have caused this, hahaha. I didn't go to school and I missed out so many things, such as Agama exam and PKn presentation. Why, oh why? I'm sure my PKn teacher is going to give me so much homework (again) since I wasn't there with my group when they presented the presentation, and not mentioning that I'm currently doing homework from her about Valentine's day that I should've done months ago. Sigh. She's the only teacher that gives homework, FYI.

Yesterday was the first day of school after a short 4 day holiday and I swear it was one of the most annoying days ever. I was really lazy to study, imagine, you've just done your national exams and suddenly you realize that you're going to study really hard again for important exams that will determine your future. The annoying part, ummm, I kept worrying about getting caught during our flag ceremony (coz I forgot to take my cap to school again, but luckily I was the only one who didn't get caught, whoo lucky!), and during the ceremony I kinda had to bend down whenever I saw a teacher, lol. Then in class we had to pick a theme for our yearbook photo shoot and that made everyone argue about which one was the best. We had 2 choices, garden party or world cup. I myself chose garden party because world cup doesn't really represent our class but nobody would just shut up and wrap up. At the end neither was chosen-someone came up with another idea and I must tell you that I'm not interested. Let them arrange everything and see how it turns out. I dont' give a damn anymore. All I wanna do is choose the best outfit for the photo and make sure I look good, LOL! I wanna go shopping.

So I hope I'll feel better soon, because, I don't wanna miss anything in school, it can be new materials from teachers or gossip xD

ps: can hardly wait for my birthday! oh btw I'm in love with Paperweight and You Take My Troubles Away (ost. dear john)

You're My Silence

2010-04-03T13:39:00.011+07:00

I love myself when we talk. Our conversations don't necessarily always come with words, but every word transfers much meaning. There are times when we don't even say hello, and sometimes we don't say goodbye. I want your words to keep living, to be remembered when I'm awake. I don't want them to end the moment you go to bed or when I feel tired. I love to talk to you through my unspoken thoughts and words, and that way I feel connected to you. I even love those awkward silences between us when we both run out of things to say. When we both don't know what to talk about, it doesn't mean I don't have things to say to you. My thoughts keep running through the back of my mind, but they should just stay there. I want you to guess.

I feel close and safe. You always know when to say it's been a while, and somehow you know that we have to talk because I think I've lost my own sight of you. I always think I'm already accustomed to your absence, but the truth is, you're always there. You're in my mind, words, and thoughts. When I convince myself that I don't need our usual conversations, you come and take my out of doubts. You make me believe that we have talk,even if that only means 'I'm thinking about you'. Silences are the feelings I can't utter, silences are your sweet words and you lies, silences are flying birds that deliver my thoughts to you. Between your hello and goodbyes, the 'X is typing a message', our screens and keypads, our mouths, our smiles, laughter, I want us to talk in every possible way. and, it's funny how we're connected to each other through the air and cables.

Temporary Freedom

2010-04-01T21:45:00.005+07:00

So guys, UN's over.

So what do I do now? Haha.

Oh no, everything didn't just stop today, but at least, nothing is haunting me like death anymore :) I'll still be studying next week for the final exams from my school, and also a kinda of UN (again, yes) in English, because our school's an international standardized school so we have to take this one. Last, in April, exactly on my birthday, I'll do the test in SMA 1 (the favourite school I've always wanted to study in). I'm also going to do this test in SMA 3 (this one, I want to join the accelaration class, so I'll graduate a year earlier). So let's hope my results will rock and I'll get to study in a very good school.

I don't have to go to school tomorrow and I just wanna tell you that I'm so happy and relieved. UN was easy, as all the effort I had done really paid off. I even can't believe that I have bid farewell to UN. Everyone was so overjoyed today, haha. After UN I directly went out with my girlfriends. I was actually planning to practice with my band but I ended up watching My Name Is Khan with Devi, Tika, Della, and Nadia. I've seen that movie twice. You guys should watch it, it's a very nice film but please prepare youself for a long 3 hour butt cramp session inside the studio. Haha, wth, butt cramp xD

April ,you better be good.

Hello

2010-03-30T13:58:00.004+07:00

I am away. ~~Studying~~ Playing games. See you on..Thursday!

The Big IF

2010-03-28T20:21:00.009+07:00

As much as I love the way my life goes, I often question the existence of coincidences. Some things just seem so surreal to be happening to me, so do people. Sometimes I stop and say ' Where did they even come from? "or "How the hell did I get here?". Walking in and out of someone's life has never been easy for me, but I don't know why it's so easy for some people to do so. I often imagine what would happen if they never existed (in my life). Some things would be much easier,less complicated, and different from the way they are now, but then I realize, without them, I wouldn't even be the person I am now, would I? It's amazing how life is well controlled, as if my story is being written by someone unknown, word by word, line by line, page by page , chapter by chapter, and as long as I'm still alive, that person will never stop writing. We can choose what to do, who to be friends with, where to go, but at the end, don't you just think that everything is the best thing that could ever happen to us? Even the littlest things can make a huge difference in the future. An action we think is useless can have a big influence on something, it can be an ant or even people's lives. We make decisions, we choose, act, and change. We do everything deliberately, consciously. Some things might be unplanned, unexpected, but they're related to those tiny steps you've made since you first breathed.That's why I'm very much curious about destiny. Fate. Coincidences. Luck. I don't really believe in them, because I know that without my own effort, I won't get what I want. Everything that happens in life involves me, myself. Destiny is your own story . I know that when things are too good to be true/ when you feel like dying, people always believe that it's their destiny, and that way, they will never learn that everything happens because of their decisions.

Thank God I managed to find you in the crowd. I don't know what would have happened if I ...

1..2...3

2010-03-26T20:48:00.005+07:00

Kartu Peserta Ujian, hahaha.

UN is in 2 days! I think I'm ready, but science? Uh, don't ask. I haven't studied science very much. Gonna start studying on Monday, hahaha. So friends, wish me luck ok? I know I can do this if I get rid of my own laziness. I know I can get 100 in every subject! That's my target. Well, I HAVE to get 100 for Math and English, and I hope I don't get less than 95 for Indonesian and Science, or else I'll be very embarassed! Pray for me, you, and us. Thank you!

Did You Guys See Me?

2010-03-23T19:32:00.006+07:00

Yesterday, I and some of my friends were chosen to represent my school for MGS TV's program called ' Bimbingan Belajar Ujian Nasional '. Basically it's a TV program where we learn UN materials, discuss stuff, and answer questions. The TV people kindly took us to the studio and they also brought us back to school. The studio's located somewhere near Puncak, quiet far from Bogor.

It was a live show, 7.30pm-8.30pm. That would be the third time I've been on Tv. I sat in the front row, so obviously my face was on the screen all the time. I couldn't resist laughing, I swear. I really had fun with Retha, Daffa, and Avif, and we got to learn a lot of UN materials too! They also gave us some money, yay! The show was aired again today, and I luckily managed to see myself on TV. It felt weird and sorta awkward, hehehe :P I recorded the show, but I think I'll just post up the pics! Haha, nice experience :)

As soon as the show ended, I received some texts from my friends saying that they watched the show and they enjoyed it and learned a lot from it, haha. Oh, they also saw me laughing! Oooooooooooh nooooo!

I Forgot Everything

2010-03-22T17:41:00.018+07:00

Today is my mom's birthday

As I grow older, I learn that you're not the person I thought you were. Our relationship has taught me a lot of things, and I'm thankful to have a mother like you. You and I get along just fine. I honestly admit that all my life daddy's the person I love the most, the one I respect more than anyone else, but I know I can't live without you. All my life I've always looked up to you. Everything you do to me shows that you expect a lot from me, and thank you for that. Things aren't always smooth between us. I know I'm not that kind of kid that does whatever their mom tells them to do. When I don't wanna do it, I don't do it. There are times when you tell me to do something for you and I refuse and say ' you can do it by yourself ', and when you tell me I'm lazy, I'd say ' who's lazy now? '. Sorry for that.

Yes, I've never thanked you for bringing me into this world, because I simply never chose to live. I'm not going to say sweet things for you mom, nor am I going to write poems for you as everyone does. I care about you and I think my actions would prove that to you, not sweet words or presents. I know you're proud of my achievements, but I'm far from being that dream child of yours. I know I'll make you proud someday, even if the person I'm going to be is not the same as you have expected. I'm glad to live with you and have you in my life. Since I was a kid, I've always prayed, I pray that I want to die before you and dad, so I don't have to live a day without having you in my life.

Happy birthday, I wish you'll stay happy all your life. I wish you will stop being moody and I hope things will always be better for both of us. Please grow up.

:)

Hiding

2010-03-19T11:40:00.008+07:00

Drowning myself in a sea of self doubt

Staying away from hypocrisy
Then I realize I can never lie to myself
I should stop pretending that I'm sane

Curiosity coincides with my obvious hatred of people who never mean what they do and say
Don't you know that your ignorance is destroying something inside ..

I've been a stranger all my life
There are times when I question my existence
What have I done?
Do you even know that you can rely on me?
I was a stranger to you, you were a stranger to me.
but don't you think it's just so unreasonably cruel to go back and choose to be a stranger again?

Maybe I'm just a 'person'. LIke everyone else.

There's an angel, a very bad one.I think I've gone mad, don't you think so? What is this feeling..what is this feeling..

A Quick Note

2010-03-16T13:58:00.004+07:00

I'm having a day off today. It felt so good to be able to sleep late last night and wake up late this morning. I've longed for a relaxing day for a long time. This week is my exam week, sigh sigh sigh. So I have to study my ass off tonight, or else my score will disappoint me again. Btw.

I don't know why I've been so sad these days. This feeling is weird. I even don't know what that is. Some things just keep making me upset and some people just won't stop disappointing me. What's wrong with me?

I miss myself. Bye.

Give Me A Reason

2010-03-14T20:33:00.006+07:00

sometimes you find out what you want isn't really what you need

It's been a while since we shared a comforting conversation, a kind of conversation I wish would never end. I used to feel that I was a good friend for you, because wherever you were, I was there. Wherever I was, you knew how to be with me. Until you drifted away and left me wondering what I'd done wrong.

Everytime that feeling seems to have vanished ; everytime I go to bed thinking that I'll feel better ; everytime I swear I wouldn't care anymore ; the next day I will always go back to place where I can always find you.

My biggest regret was ever knowing that you never meant what you said ; yet I still believed in you and me.

why do I even care...

Midnight Confession

2010-03-12T22:27:00.003+07:00

Is it okay to be jealous ?

Randomize Me, Please.

2010-03-11T21:34:00.004+07:00

I hate this feeling. The feeling of not knowing what I'm feeling.

Okay, mmmm, would you like some random facts about me? Yeah, I guess I have to post something up because I'm just so stressed out. I've got homework and I haven't started doing it and it's due tomorrow.

1) I love James Bond so much. I've always dreamed of being some kind of an agent/ a detective, and in real life, I'm good at finding information and I guess I'm the girl who knows too much.

2) I don't really like kids. Yeah, some of them are cute, but I can't stand it when they cry or whine. I'm not that type that adores cute kids and wants to play with them. I can be so mean to kids, if they're annoying.

3) I'm hygienic. You can say, too hygienic. I don't wanna share straws with anyone. Well, only some people, and that is for the sake of being polite. When they can't see me, I'll throw away my food/drink that they've consumed even though I'm really hungry or thirsty. I also wash my hands so often, and I use hand sanitizer right after I touch something other people have touched. It's alright when you ask me my food/drinks, I love sharing things with people, but please, don't use my spoon, fork, or straw. I'll eat/drink feeling so uncomfortable and worried. There are only 5 people in the world that I don't mind sharing saliva with.

4) I'm not a hateful person, believe me, the last time I got upset in front of other people was like, 3 years ago. If I don't like someone's behavior, or if something is pissing me off, I'll just keep it to myself and do something else better than getting all angry. What a waste of time. I don't even curse. We are what we say. Words really have an influence on our minds. I have a friend who is angry all the time, so moody, and she uses bad words to express her feelings. I once told her ' You're acting as if your parents have never taught you how to behave and it looks like you don't go to school '. OKay that sounds cruel, but I don't want my friend to keep all those negative thoughts inside her mind. I'm also sick of seeing girls blaming PMS when they get all grumpy and emotional. I've never had PMS symptoms. Okay, I believe that PMS is also the reason, but some people just use it as an excuse to be emotional all the time. Lame.

5) I'm so crazy. What am I doing here? I freaking have homework to be done and my bedtime has come =O

Anyways, I've just logged in to my school's website to see my trial score. It still pisses me off. Everything is great, except science. The worst score I've ever got in my whole life. FML. Yeah, I admit that I didn't study for this one.

Bahasa Indonesia	:	90.00
Bahasa Inggris	:	95.00
Matematika	:	100.00
IPA Fisika	:	65.00
IPA Biologi	:	65.00
Average	:	83.00

Unseen, Untouched, Sometimes Unwanted. Does it even exist?

2010-03-10T20:33:00.009+07:00

Dear time, I've seen you walk and run. I've seen you chase those who fear you, and tease those who wait for you to come. Some people never understand how precious you are, that's why you fill every soul with regrets, including mine.

When I don't want you, you just fly away. That's why I've always envied you ; you have the ability to leave with a trace ; memories. You come and go together with something that makes me want you back, even when I know you're gone. Whenever I see the clock ticking, I think of my life. I only have some amount of time, and as I breathe, I lose another piece of it. You've never been limited or unlimited, because you will always remain secret. I'll never know how much time I have wasted, how much time I'm spending, and how much time is left until something becomes a memory.

Time, I wish I could control you, I wish you would erase those painful traces you had printed on my heart before you traveled somewhere else. I wish you were not selfish. I wish you would pass the way I wanted you to pass; slow and steady when loved, fast and light when disliked.

Sorry for expecting too much from you, that when you finally arrive after I've waited for so long, suddenly things don't work out as I have planned. Then I become so selfish for wanting you to leave me quickly and replace my disappointment with something better. but when I'm feeling fine, when I have you, I don't want you to go away, even though I know some people can spend their life with you way more wisely than me. I'm sorry for always placing the blame on you instead of my actions. I'm sorry that it took me 15 years to realise this.

Thank you for carrying all those memories with you, as you fly away, I still hope miracles will become the traces you've always left. Maybe you can give back my favourite memory to me, later, when you think I deserve it.

In A Perfect State of Bliss

2010-03-07T02:11:00.007+07:00

This week has been awesome!

Thursday

I joined this regional school subject competition with some of my classmates. I was one of the 20 students who went to the final round. Went out with my friends.

Band Practice as we're performing on Spensa Day.

Mc. Donalds with Devi.

Friday :

Went to the final and I didn't win, hahaa :) They picked 5 winners and I ranked 6th :( Nevermind, there were hundreds of participants! Ouch, but I had so much fun! Went to the Haunted House at BNR while waiting for the result. Everyone was afraid, especially the boys! Haha so funny!

ps: I didn't scream okay. Haha. I don't know when I'll have so much fun again, probably after UN is over. YAYAYAYAY :D

The Wait

2010-03-05T20:19:00.005+07:00

How much of human life is lost in waiting.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A good quote indeed.Makes me realise that I've wasted so much time waiting for things and...people. And to someone, yes, I've been waiting for something I don't even know since the moment I saw you. I keep waiting because I know it'll be so worth it. If that thing doesn't happen, then it's alright, it wouldn't change anything. I can actually live my life and wait at the same time. If I don't wait, I'll never know what's gonna happen at the end.

So, what's the point of waiting?

This and That

2010-03-03T21:11:00.002+07:00

Tomorrow is Thursday already, see, how fast time flies.. I’m looking forward to my final exam at the end of this month, as it will open the gate to my freedom.Ahh :D I've received so much advice from my family, friends, and teachers about highschool. I'm so confused about deciding which high school I should go to. The favourite one I've always dreamed of or the one with the acceleration programme I'd like to try. If I choose the first one then I can go to my favourite university and I can actually achieve a lot and of course...I'll be very proud. If I choose the second one then I'll graduate a year earlier than the others so I won't be wasting my time then!But the test is so hard, written test, interview, and my IQ has to be above 135 if I'm not mistaken. Mmm, your opinion?

I'm My School's Security Guard

2010-03-01T19:12:00.009+07:00

I had fun today at school. Started off with me, the clumsy & careless girl forgetting to take her cap to school. We have to wear it during our weekly assembly and if we don't then we'll be punished. Actually I didn't really forget to take it, .. I lost it. Hahaha. I keep losing it and this is probably the 4th time I've lost it. I thought I could borrow someone's headscarf but I guess I wasn't lucky! Nobody had a cap nor a headscarf . I went to the field feeling a bit nervous. I arrived there and the assembly hadn't started yet so I went back inside and tried to look for a cap. Damnit I couldn't find any. Mmm then I walked and walked....and guess what I found.. the security guard's cap..hanging on the wall. I took it ( what was I thinking ) , put it on and I went outside. It really looks like my cap..despite that there is a big SECURITY sign printed on its front side. All my friends were like " ahh you've finally found it...what the..hahahaha..are you crazy or what? " .

I said I didn't care, all I could think of was how not to get punished. After like some 15 minutes (and everyone was laughing), I finally took it off because a teacher was approaching me and my junior kindly lent me a headscarf ;). I must've been really funny that everyone laughed -_-

Oh, and I'm sort of happy coz I've finally solved the rubiks cube :D

You're Officially 16

2010-02-28T12:14:00.000+07:00

Happy Birthday to my adorable Nasreen! I'm glad you've turned 16. That's a good start !Wishing you a wonderful year ahead. I love you. I'd love to celebrate your birthday with you there in KL but well...I'm stuck here in my room. Hehehe.

-cheryl-

Dark

2010-02-27T11:39:00.007+07:00

My house was in a blackout last night, while waiting for someone to come and fix everything, I decided to lay on my bed.

5..10..15..30 minutes.. I still couldn't sleep. My eyes were opened but all I could see was darkness. Maybe that's how it feels to be blind. Maybe that's how it feels when our eyes are opened but we can't see anything. Some people are like that you know, they have eyes but they still can't see. They have ears but they cannot hear. They have a heart but they can't feel.

I smelled pure silence and I loved it, but I felt something strange. Or was it something familiar that I couldn't even recognize what it was. I hate it when I don't know what I'm feeling, but I am in love with the darkness. When I can't see or hear anything, I can know who is sincere or who is not. I can think more clearly and I can find my true self when nobody's around. My insecure self, full of fears. Hoping that somebody would just come and apologize for not being there for me when darkness fills the air. Trying to wake me up from this long dream of wanting something I'll never have.

I realised, that was..loneliness. I still feel lonely.

Guess what..

2010-02-22T22:13:00.004+07:00

Survive

2010-02-22T19:46:00.010+07:00

Looking back at all the things I've done and the decisions I've made, I guess it's time to realise. Most of the time, when it's time to choose, I always do things that look promising, things that are good for myself and my future. Things my idols do. Things that make people count on me.Then I question myself, is it really what I wanna do?

An idea struck me, I have no idea where it actually came from, or why I let my imagination run wild. I don't wanna think about what could've been or what I could've done, nor do I wanna think about the things that might happen when it ends up being a possibility. Good or bad, let it be a lesson. It's the same as realising your goals, there are challenges, but this time I just have face them by myself. All your life you've always listened to people's opinions. You always go with the flow. Now I know why it crossed my mind. This actually has been part of myself for a long time, but I always thought that this was ridiculous. Then I started dreaming. I love this idea. My life isn't just about having the urge to make my parents happy or being successful as I grow up. My life is about loving life itself unconditionally. Life is feeling alive. Life is surviving when no one else supports you. Life is trying to find what you love the most. Life is breathing in freedom. Life is being alone but not feeling lonely.Life is doing weird things to release your stress. Life is meeting new people and realising that there are so many differences, so you know there's nothing to be ashamed of. Life is not worrying about the future, but working hard to reach your dreams. Life is stop pleasing others, 'cause, when you constantly live for other people so they don't get hurt, wouldn't you just end up hurting yourself at the end? Life is..a present.

Life is knowing what I want. This idea of mine is riskily awesome.

I'm a Stranger Too

2010-02-19T23:07:00.004+07:00

It's been an exhausting week, full of reluctance. A kind of week where you just wish you could skip school and watch TV all day, where you wish you won't get soaked on the way back home from school, where you wish you could solve a rubik's cube like everyone else, a kind of week where you wish you had more time, where you wish you could choose what you want to do. Where you wish you could get rid of people you don't like.

Damnit. Sometimes I feel way more comfortable around people I don't know so well. They tend to be nice at me, even though they might secretly dislike me. People I know really well don't care about what I feel when they irritatingly show their characters they think I can bear with. They blame me for not being understanding. But strangers are different. They greet me in a friendlier way compared to the way my friends greet me. They don't talk a lot. They're quiet. They don't show me who they are. They're nice. They subconsciously force me to smile when I know I can't. Doing it carefully so I don't get hurt. They understand that I weirdly love awkwardness. I love the way they hide their thoughts and feelings. I love the idea that they're so human. I like the way they're being someone else for a while.

because I can be someone else too.

Wow It's Been a Year

2010-02-16T18:23:00.013+07:00

Exactly one year ago, I met people I knew I would love.
Happy 1st year anniversary of friendship,SABians!

-adma.aimi.aidid.aisyah.ainaa.akmal.amir.aniq.azra
.crystalgan.crystalng.cengyew.effie.famira.farah.farouk.fuiteng.
hakeem.hanna.izzat.jaarvis.jocelyn.jolene.josephine.kalay.karyan.
kavin.kenny.kernrei.malik.muhammad.munira.nizam.muiz.nabilah.
nadine.naquib.nasreen.nabilah.norman.nur.phoebe.regent.rocyie.
sara.sarah.serene.syafiq.sue.suraya.suhaimie.syahirah.syed.
syuhada.tammie.tasya.ushane.wernxin.yuvenesh.zawani.zhafri.-

I know I didn't mention all of you. I'm sorry, I suck at recalling people's names :( but I do remember every each of you! Thanks for all the memories and friendship we've shared. Can't wait to visit Kuala Lumpur again.

-cheryl nazik-

Chocolates and Dragons

2010-02-14T00:10:00.009+07:00

Valentine's day doesn't really mean anything to me. I wouldn't wait for Valentine's day to come just to give chocolates and tell people I love them, I can do it whenever I want. You might have heard the history of Valentine's Day, that actually it was more a religious occasion to honor Saint Valentinius from Rome. It was something unrelated to showing love but as time passed people started to call their love 'my valentine' and it became Valentine's Day as we know it. Pretty much like that. I understand that to some people Valentine's Day is an occasion where they can show affection in different special ways , so I would also be very pleased if I happen to receive chocolates/cards from people that wanna tell me that they care about me. I guess that will take my stress away for a while.

and...Chinese New Year! I just love everything they do to celebrate it.

So people, Happy Valentine's day to all of you who love celebrating it. Show your love before it's too late. To anyone you love. Your parents, family, friends, anyone.

and Happy Chinese New Year! Especially to my friends in Malaysia ( I only have 2 Chinese friends here -_- ). Gong Xi Fat Coi give me some angpao lol. Anyways my father suddenly gave everyone in the house angpao HAHAHAHA I'm literally laughing even the maids got angpau and we're not evern a chinese family! Haha. The money was also put inside those chinese red envelopes hahahahahaha!! I ungratefully gave back the money to my dad and told him the amount of it had to be increased.

May 14th of February spread love and good luck to all of us. Good night.

Lies are like drugs.

2010-02-12T16:58:00.012+07:00

When people utter what they have been hiding, what would you feel?

Just admit it. We always ask for the truth, but are we even ready to get hurt? Do we want to accept the fact that the truth isn't the same as the way we want it to be? Do we wanna change when we listen to what people say about us? Would we stay strong when the worst happens? Most of the time the truth is something we refuse to know, because we know that it might hurt. Truth doesn't seem to be part of life anymore, it's been covered by the idea of pleasing other people . We keep smoking lies, and our own heart has always been the ashtray. Lies will always be there. Stop pretending you want to know the truth, and end up regretting what has been done.

I am keeping distance from the truth.

At times, truth isn't something you should know, it's something you should create, something you should never hide from the start. All you have to do is stop lying to yourself.

As simple as that.

and the bird flew away

2010-02-05T21:33:00.006+07:00

I laughed so much today. Mostly because of my English teacher. I was having class with this old teacher named Deddy in the library.

Teacher : " So what else do you know about kinds of text? "
Student : " Descriptive text. "
Teacher : " What's the purpose of descriptive text?"
Student : " To describe something "
Teacher : " Good, now what's the difference between report text and descriptive text?"
Student : " Ummmm "
Teacher : " Okay. Report text is to describe something in general. Example : Report text " BIRDS". Descriptive text " MY BIRD "
Students : " HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA LMAO "
Teacher : " Yeah, so you , the boy over there, please make a descriptive text about your bird. "
Me : " Huahahahaha hahahahaha LMAO!!
Teacher : " Hush. Yeah you tell me about your bird "
Me : " * still laughing even though everyone else is not * "
Boys : " Lihat itu si Cheryl ketawa sampai merah mukanya. Nafsu banget "

My friend couldn't make a descriptive text so the teacher decided to give an example instead.

Teacher : " Listen up. Title : "MY BIRD " (with a very loud voice)
Me : " HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAHA "
Teacher : " Hush, kamu ketawa paling keras. Artinya berbeda ini, bukan burung yang itu. "
Me : " *Almost faints, cannot stop laughing* "
Teacher : " -_- "

I was laughing like crazy it even hurt and I couldn't breathe, seriously.

Friends : " Che sadar che "
Teacher : " ..... so when you wanna tell people about your bird, first you have to identify it."
Cheryl : " HUAHAUAHAHAHA. Why can't we just talk about...cats? "
Teacher : " Ok, later Cheryl, later we'll talk about cats. "

Now we were discussing something else that was not even related to birds, but this teacher seemed to always wanna talk about birds.

Teacher : " Fakhri (points at my friend), now we're going to make an advertisement. Imagine, you've just lost your bird. It's gone. You'd like to make an advertising so people can help you find your bird. Your bird flew away. Tell me what are you going to write in your advertisement ? "

Cheryl : " HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. HAHAHAHA. LMAO. *crying, almost wet my pants*. He lost his bird lmaoooooo and he's making an advertisement so people can find it hahaha. Who wouldn't laugh imagining someone lose his 'bird'? "

Teacher : " Okay, you, the one who is laughing, tell me about explanation text..."

ps : bird (indonesian : burung) is another name they use for 'd*ck' in indonesian.

FOCUS!

2010-02-03T19:58:00.007+07:00

UAN *our very final exam from the government* is getting closer and it's haunting me like death.I'm not exaggerating. UAN is in March while it's supposed to be in April/May. I cannot absorb so much material that fast. Uhh >:(

I really need to study more science. I've forgotten most of the materials I learned in grade 7 and 8. I feel so left out everytime I see my friends answer the questions from my teachers smoothly. I look at myself and wonder why my brain can't recall the names of hormones and cells or some physics formulas that have been stored inside it for ages. So to actually catch up with everything that needs to be learned, I'm slowly starting to stick to my schedule which means that I should be studying every night and go online only on weekends. My school has also made a new schedule. We will only be studying 4 main subjects everyday (math, bio, physics, indo) until UAN is over. No sports, no agama, no arts, no Pkn, no bahasa sunda, no social science! I'm sure my head's gonna explode someday, but I'm sure studying these 4 main subjects everyday will help me because I don't go to tuition (in indonesian we call it 'bimbel (bimbingan belajar)' )like everyone else. I don't believe in tuition ; my perception ; I go to school to STUDY, so why do I have to waste time making myself tired by studying the same thing I learn in school? If the intention is to improve in school, then why do we have teachers in school? It's their responsibility to make us understand the materials, and if I don't understand, I'd ask them. Don't have time? I still can stay back and tell them to explain what I want to know. That's why we have teachers in school. Plus, it all comes from ourselves. I've never been to tuition in my life thus I'm still doing better than my friends who join tuition.

Okay then, wish me luck with my studies, time to get more serious!

The Transition Period

2010-01-31T21:35:00.006+07:00

is about to end. Yes, January has come to an end which means that I must start working on my goals (including my new year resolutions).

I seriously miss the way I used to write my blog posts in. The childish style, messed up grammar, short updates. It's true that your blog posts reflects who you are. So since my posts have recently been all long and thoughtful, I think I've become maturer. I have stopped posting unimportant highlights of my life since I've always considered that my readers would get sick of them.

As I was going through my old posts, I found some pieces of old memories. I used to write a lot about this mysterious figure that I called Snow, as you might already know. I can't stop smiling remembering how his presence used to be the only thing I loved. I thought it was what they called 'crush', but now I've realized that it was just another kind of lame admiration for someone. It's funny how Snow was suddenly replaced by someone. Someone who all of a sudden stepped into my life and gave what I couldn't find in Snow; the feeling of being special, and this new person is still someone I need.

I'd say that this is admiration, a feeling that makes me need him because when he's around, I don't feel lonely. I wouldn't call this a crush or love ; I'm definetely too young to say that I'm in love. It's funny to me, hahahaha :P. I think I just keep needing a friend who cares about me, who talks to me when I'm bored and cares about me too. I cannot get it from girls, we share different things. The stuff we talk about is always the same.

and would you be sad if that someone is not around when you need them? Why do people seem to have left me?

I can't put up with this trouble anymore;alone. Maybe the reason why I love admiring someone is because their presence can distract me and the thought that they're almost perfect can make me smile, even just for a while.

Featured : Jurnal Bogor

2010-01-30T16:05:00.007+07:00

I forgot to tell you that I did an interview with Jurnal Bogor some time back in 2009 about me winning the RSBI national competition in November. I was featured in the newspaper and also on the website. Yayy! Hahaha this is the 5th time I’ve been in the newspaper! Thank you thank you :)

Broken

2010-01-30T15:23:00.003+07:00

It's as if something punched me right in my heart. I'm really torn into pieces. Sad enough that I can't even cry.

Will I have the time to fix everything up? All I want is to sleep and wake up when everything's alright.

Were We Here Before?

2010-01-23T17:13:00.005+07:00

I remember watching Oprah Winfrey's Show in the night. I didn't expect it to be so good. It was about hypnotism as a method to help people get rid of their phobias.

People who have phobias go to a therapist to have hypnosis performed on them. As the process goes on, they will start to tell him about what they see and feel (subconsciously). Surprisingly, they tell stories about strange things, places they've never been, people they don't even know, and some of them even speak in languages they don't communicate in. At the end, the therapist can conclude that their fears might have come from their pasts-from something that had happened before. It's been proven that everything these people say during the process is true-the places and people, and languages. These people can know who they were, what they did before, where they lived, etc. Some have found out that they were Indians before, while now they are Americans. To me, this is just confusingly cool.

I actually have read a lot about this thing in magazines and books but they could never give me evidence. I've been thinking about myself ever since. Did I live before? Was I here? Were we here? Was I related to who I am now? This whole thing has trapped me-in curiosity. I never believed in reincarnation, but when you could see obvious and absolute evidence, what can you do but find out?

I don't have any kind of phobias but I just want to know - if this thing is real- who I was before and what kind of impact my past has had on me. but when your faith doesn't seem to let you believe it..

one question remains unanswered, again...

The Funniest

2010-01-17T17:52:00.002+07:00

"Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML"

fmylife.com

Respect

2010-01-17T16:45:00.014+07:00

Respect is important. Without it, the world would just be a place with no peace in it. It has a big influence on every each of us, as it shows that everyone is not the same and differences is not a problem. We might have a lot of things in common but when it comes to personalities or taste- no one could every change one's style. You just have to deal with it, I don't care if you like me or not, you just have to accept the fact that your disregard wouldn't make a change, it will only make people intend to kick you out of the community.

I am not sensitive, but I am aware. I'm the type of person that likes to observe without being told what to do. I criticize people, and they do too, but I don't like it when someone shows me that they're bothered by the things I do that they don't do. Things they think we should or shouldn't do, things that have been traditions, things that are similar to cultures and their beliefs. I don't care, but I think they just haven't come to realize that as time flies, things change, and what you think is right could be wrong to me, and what is wrong to you could be just fine for me. I believe that we have our own boundaries and limits, but you have to remember that they don't keep other people out, they fence you in. We think we're used to people, but as long as we still can't accept them as they really are, they will always be strangers to us. You'll only end up hating them for being different. You need tolerance.

Also, respect people's choices. It's their life, not yours. Don't come up with your own conclusion. Just, respect. We have our own reasons. If you still can't respect, better shut up.

Peace ^_^v